How much does God want to see me succeed in this life? What does he want from me? Do I even care if I know that or not? If God was really looking out for me, then why the Hell am I gay and why the Hell am I Mormon? These are the two worst things that could possibly be put together.
I know that God exists. I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior and through His blood, I can be washed clean. I know this. I know this. I have felt the healing power of Christ in my life. Dozens of times.
This knowledge of God, Jesus, and the afterlife have all subsequently kept me from getting into the “nitty-gritty” of being gay. Sure. I’ve kissed a boy. Sure. I’ve gotten drunk once. Why haven’t I gone any further?
Because, deep down, I feel that this is not what God wants me to do. I know that this is not what God wants me to do.
Crap. Here I go again. Trying to reconcile my faith and my homosexuality. Geez. Well, it really doesn’t work, I can tell you that much. Being gay and being a devout member of any religion is like oil and water. Especially with the Mormon church. Which, I’ll have you know, is what I believe to be correct.
So, what do I do now? I want to have my own children. I want to be a father, a daddy. I want to have a family with a wife. I do want these things.
Do I leave the gay culture behind? What do I do? Do I still support them?
Seriously. Being gay and Mormon sucks. Big time.
