Blacks, Gays, and the Future of the Church

Apostle Mark E. Petersen gave a talk to religion professors at Brigham Young University in 1954, right after the Brown vs. Board of Education which desegregated public schools. He said, "What is our policy in regard to inter-marriage? As to the Negro, of course, there is only one possible answer. We must not inter-marry with the Negro. Why? If I were to marry a Negro woman and have children by her, my children would all be cursed as to the priesthood. Do I want my children cursed as to the priesthood? If there is one drop of Negro blood in my children, as I have read to you, they receive the curse. There isn’t any argument, therefore, as to the inter-marriage with the Negro, is there? That is [their] objective and we must face it….Remember the little statement that they used to say about sin, “First we pity, then endure, then embrace.”"

Read his full talk here.

The idea comes from an idea that Brigham Young espoused that to marry a Negro is "penalty under law" and "death on the spot", which is referring to a drastic measure called the Blood Atonement (which has been removed from LDS theology long ago). Simply put, Brigham Young and leaders of the LDS church until the "revelation" in 1978, believed that it was a curse that white members of the Church to marry black members. If this happened, the man would be immediately revoked of his priesthood and have no place with God in the Celestial Kingdom and is "death to us all" (Brigham Young, December 1847, meeting at Winter Quarters).

As of today, Church leadership and members accept, love, and strive to show the world that we (the Church) believe that all are children of God. This can be seen in Church videos, Mormon Messages, and other ad campaigns. We hardly ever see white Americans anymore--which is such a blessing. We see Asians, Africans, Russians, etc. Truly, the Mormon Church is a world-wide church--with its members growing at an unprecedented rate. That is such a cry away from the harsh words of Bruce R. McConkie as found in the book, "Mormon Doctrine". He says, "The whole negro race have been cursed with a black skin, the mark of Cain, so they can be identified as a caste apart, a people with whom the other descendants of Adam should not intermarry" (p. 114). His book is still being sold today.

Currently, the authorities of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have a similar standpoint against same-sex marriage. They believe that it will lead to the destruction of humanity, society, and the American nation. These same ideas we held against black people in the early and modern times of the Church. They believed that the world would collapse and humanity be damned for all eternity if blacks were allowed the priesthood, and be able to be married civilly and in the temples.

Well, it's been 33 years since the 1978 revelation. Has the world fallen? Is society damned? Is God cursing the Church simply by being more loving? No. Because God loves all of His children, no matter what race, gender, sexuality, etc.

What will it take for the Church to accept same-gender marriage? Or, at least, accept and give full rights to their gay brothers and sisters? Too many gay men and women leave the Church, kill themselves, or hurt others because of their dis-fellowship and hatred by church members and leaders.

To me, the full acceptance of blacks into the Church is simply a "type and shadow" for things to come. Perhaps it was a training ground; a chance to learn and not repeat the same mistakes again.

No one knows what will happen for the future of the Church. It's true; this may never be accepted into the ideologies of the Church. But, on the flipside, you cannot say that it will never be accepted. To say so is to deny the power and mind of God.

For the time being, members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints should help, support, love, cherish, and enjoy the company of their gay brothers and sisters. Although the "Church" has a favorable view towards gays, some of its members and authorities do not. Things must change. If we, as a Church, and as a body of Christ hope to become more like Him who was perfect, we must learn to adapt; learn to change.

Darwin said, "It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change."

If the Church wants to continue proclaiming the message of the Restored Gospel around the world, then they must change. If not, the Church will become a dwindling religion with no place in modern society.

Author's Note:

Wow. That sounds super preachy and anti-Mormon. I am not anti-Mormon. I love and cherish the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is part of who I am and I cannot deny that. However, as a gay member of the Church, I simply see a strong correlation between to the two ideas. In the past, the Church was bigoted towards blacks. Now, the Church loves them. I just see the same thing happening now with gays.

What my mother said...

"Andy, you have to realize that I will love you and accept you no matter what, right? But you also have to realize that, if you were to bring your partner home for Christmas, that you would not be allowed to sleep in the same bedroom. You can guarantee that I'd tell your brothers that he was just a friend. And you can also rest assured that I will never allow my grandchildren to fully condone your lifestyle. That's just my belief. You'll have to live with that."

That was something my mother told me during one of our 2-hour long conversations. In the conversation, I told her that I would most likely end up leaving the church. There is no room for gay people--especially those who are "living the lifestyle".

She told me this after I told her what I yearned for, what I needed, and what I wished for in my life.

I told her:

The church--and the gospel--will never give me 100% satisfaction and life fulfillment. It's just impossible.

I want to wake up next to a man who loves me and cares for me.

I want to make him breakfast.

I want to be held, to be loved, to be cherished.

I want a satisfying sex life.

Trying to be gay, while serving "worthily" in the Church is almost a death sentence. You can never feel truly appreciated, cared for, touched, or held, by the people you are attracted to.

I don't know if my mother will ever be okay with me being gay.

I just wonder what my dad thinks about all this...

Saudades

I miss your smile. I miss your hair. I miss your sense of humor. I miss holding hands. 

I miss studying together. I miss staying up past "missionary" curfew talking.

I miss making food for you. I miss your laugh. 

I miss...just being with you. 

Now you're married, with a kid on the way. 

I wonder what would have happened if life was kinder to us.

Thinking about it makes me miss you more.

Brokeback Mountain

In foreign countries, movies released in the US are released months later. One of the last movie trailers I had seen was a preview for "Brokeback Mountain". I was enthralled that Hollywood was tackling such a poignant issue for so many Americans--with a studly pair of young American actors. 

When I was serving my mission in Portugal, the movie was released about February of 2006. Everywhere I would go, I would see posters of Jake Gylennhal and Heath Ledger and I yearned to see the movie.

On the plane ride home from Portugal to the states, the first movie I saw on the portable players the attendants handed out was "Brokeback Mountain". Well, I tried to watch it anyway. Here was a recent LDS missionary--still wearing his suit, tie, and name badge, watching one of the  most controversial films of the year. 

I was shameful to watch it. I was scared to watch it. I really only watched about 15 minutes of it. 

Since that day, on the plane ride home, I have not had the--courage?--to watch it. Every time I wanted to rent it, or watch it online, I would stop at about the same place I did on the plane ride home. But, now. Well, everything is different. 

Watching the film now is almost cathartic. It just proves to me how much I've grown in my confidence in being gay. I am no longer afraid to watch it. And I don't feel shameful. 

That's it. Nothing more. Well, it means a lot to me actually. 

Possessed by *FEMALE DEMONS*

That's right. You read that correctly.

The bulk of the scanned pages were directed to stories about men or women who were not sexually satisfied in their current married lives. One of the men told Melvin Fish that he was experiencing homosexual feelings. "Dr." Fish asked his inner psyche if there were spirits present in his body. The man replied that there were. Fish asked, "Are the spirits female?" The man replied, "Yes."

Apparently, the gay man had 5 evil female spirits within him. Logically, that makes sense, right? Of course he wanted to have an intimate relationship with another man because...well...those nasty evil spirits wanted to finally know what it would be like to be penetrated by a man. Too far? Oh, well.

Here is a little snippet from the pages she scanned to me.

Yup. I'm possessed. By female demons that are just too horny to control.

Who are you possessed with?

Apparently, I'm "possessed".

It had to happen one day, right?

I've seen on some of your Facebook statuses--or, is it statusi?--when people have outrightly told you that you, or your partner, are going to Hell. Or, that God Hates Fags. Or, that you've been possessed by female demons, which, as we all know, make you all hot and horny for some man tail. Well, that's what someone just told me.

Now, to protect her identity, I'll change her name. I'll call her Dawn. She's one of my "other mom's" from high school. I remember going over to her home to hang out with my friend Cathy. Cathy and her mom are nice and extremely spiritual people, but I thought they followed too strictly Mormon and Christian ideologies. They were also avid vegans.

The other day, I received a surprise text from Dawn.

DAWN: Andy, this is Cathy's Mom, Dawn. I just heard about a book that I felt I should tell you about. I felt very strongly that I should share this with you and hope that it will be taken in the spirit that it is given. The name of it is "Healing the Inner Self" by Melvin Fish. 


ANDY: Hey! Thanks for the book recommendation! I will definitely have to check it out! For simple curiosity's sake, what prompted you to think of me, haha :) ?


DAWN: Must have been divine intervention! lol


ANDY: Haha great! What better answer than that? :)

DAWN: You have so much to offer and can really be an influence for good, Andy! We really have to help on another these days. You have a good and curious mind and seem to be willing to seek out the truth. That is why I am really excited for you to read that book and then call me to let me know what you think about it. 


Dawn then informed me that she could email me some scanned pages of the book if I was unable to purchase it. I told her that would be great.

Then, then...she proceeded to email me the scanned pages and a written letter.

If you can't read it, it says:

Hey Andy. 


Sorry it took me so long to get this to you. Please accept it with the spirit and love it is being sent with. I saw your website and thought of you when this came my way. Satan really has a way of causing confusion and making truth look like lies and lies look like truth. We have to help each other out in this life anyway we can. So, let me know what you think of this and if you want more info on this book. I'll get it to you. 


I hope all going well for you. Miss your sweet spirit coming around the house with your good laugh winning smile, and fun self. 


Let me know if you just need to talk, you know I will be honest with you. 


Your friend, 

Dawn. 


When I scrolled down to see the rest of the attachment, my jaw dropped. I couldn't believe what I was reading. This had to be a joke. Right?

Counseling at BYU

School has started again and is in full swing. This means more time is dedicated to rehearsals, homework, and other projects. Along with the new semester, I've also started seeing a counselor on campus. I'm seeing her to help with body image issues and possibly an eating disorder.

You see, in my mind, my overeating is directly tied to being a gay member of Christ's church. I have, ingrained in my mind, that if I get a boyfriend--or life partner--that I will be sent to Hell, and never see the face of God or Christ. Ever. Now, I know that I am silly for thinking that. But it's the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that has ingrained this thinking into me. I'm trying to learn how to overcome this idea. But, my counselor is making it harder.

My counselor is a graduate student at BYU. She has never had a "case" as interesting as mine--I should know, I asked her--and she told me point blank that she can't "in good faith, affirm [my] decision to leave the Church or get a boyfriend while attending BYU".

Of course, I see her logic. At the same time, I'm like..."What? Why am I wasting my time with you? Most counselors in the real world try to help you life your life, the way you want to...not follow the same mantra over and over again."

I'm not sure if I am going to meet with her again. I know she can't tell the Honor Code Office--that would be illegal. I guess...I just want to be affirmed at BYU. But, that will never happen.

I've thought about going to the USGA (Understanding Same Gender Attraction) meetings they have on campus.

Maybe I'll give those a shot.