Getting more Conflicted...

It has been a hard--and at the same time, easy--past couple of weeks. I was fired from my great job working as a Social Network/Customer Relations manager for a small company and found a new job less than one week later. I was in a performance that ended, and then started rehearsals for a new show and helping with an absurdist/feminist piece at BYU. Finals week has started, and yet I'm not worried about finals.

Even though my life is filled with things that occupy my time, and I feel as if I am more busy than ever before, I am getting more conflicted.

Honestly? I have been feeling the Spirit of the Lord more than ever lately. It is a good feeling. I am striving to be a better person, keep my thoughts clean, and do good to others. However, it feels as if the better person I get, the more I want to get a boyfriend.

It feels as if, the more I get closer to God, the better the idea sounds of settling down with someone. This has happened before in the past, but I am terrified of this idea. This conflicts me...so much. Can what I feel--the closer I am to God--be right? It goes completely against what I have been taught and what has been pounded from the pulpit in recent general conferences.

Does this mean that God would be okay with me getting a boyfriend? Or, is it my own false hopes? Or, is it something from the Devil? Or, am I totally over-analyzing everything?

I mean, I go here:

Read these:

Do this:

...and yet...

I feel this:

Anyone have any ideas? Is it time I go to the Lord with this question? I'm afraid that His answer will be the one that I have been wanting...but that scares me.

How have you coped/sought answers for this predicament?

Come See Me Perform. Today.

I'll be playing the role of Dorsey in the show "Parade" by Jason Roberts Brown.

It's in the NELKE theatre of the HFAC at 1:00, 2:00 and 4:00 PM.

Admission is free.

The run of the show is approximately 40 mins.

It's going to change your life.

See you there!

Yup. I'm the only one.

Okay. I used to think that there were more gay men on campus. Especially in the HFAC. Apparently, I was way wrong! All the guys who I thought were gay are not. Maybe my gaydar is broken.

Or, they could be hiding it for fear of getting kicked out of BYU. Or, I could simply be one of the very very very few gay guys in the HFAC. I don't know if I believe it...but...I swear it's true.

I mean, all the guys who I thought were gay all have girlfriends. What? I mean....gosh...I feel like I am slowly reverting back to my old way of thinking when I was in High School and feeling so alone.

Maybe I should just wear a bright pink shirt that says, "If you're gay, hug me!" Then...then...I would know for sure.

Ideas?