The Iron Age and my Testimony

It was 2008--a wild and crazy year. Gas prices were soaring, George Bush was president, and I was taking an Archeology class at BYU.

For the most part, the class was interesting. It was taught by a wonderful single woman with a Justin Bieber haircut, and three gorgeous female TA's. From the minute I walked into that room I was like, "There's a LESBIAN teaching this class!" I immediately held an affinity towards her. But, I digest.

Introduction

In this class, we spoke of three ages: The Stone Age, the Bronze Age and the Iron Age. My professor always spoke of how civilizations went from one age to another, progressively. There has never been a society where they went from the Iron Age to the Stone Age. This got me thinking: How then, did the people in the Book of Mormon have iron tools to work ore to build swords, cimeters, javelins, shields, armour, etc? You see, popular Mormon culture believes that the Mayan civilizations were all part of the Nephite, Lamanite or Jaredite cultures. But, there has hasn't been strong enough evidence to conclude that the Mayan--or any South American ancient societies--had the technology to build those weapons of war. In addition, there has been no conclusive evidence to suggest such a thing. In fact, the weapons of war that have been found are wooden spears, obsidian arrowheads, stone clubs, etc. The use of iron to construct swords, or steel bows, or protective armour has never been found in South America. Ever.

The Iron Age

I'm going to focus just a little bit about the Iron Age. It began about 1200 BC in Anatolia. Now, since the Jaredites left the Middle East at the time of the tower of Babel, some historians have calculated that "the time frame for the events in the book [of Ether] have been estimated as starting anywhere from 2600 B.C. to 2100 B.C. and extending to some time beyond 600 B.C." (Source). In addition, we read in Ether 7:9 that "[Shule] came to the hill Ephraim, and he did molten out of the hill, and made swords out of steel." If Wikipedia is correct that the beginning of the Iron Age was 1200 BC--roughly 1,000 years after the Jaredites--and that the Jaredites were molting iron to create steel swords thousands of years before that, then either (1) archeological evidence is wrong or (2) the Book of Mormon is wrong. Add to the fact that swords--or even hilts for swords--have never been found in South American ancient civilizations, then it seems as if the second option is correct.

Now, some of you may say, "Well, Joseph Smith may have just translated that word incorrectly. Maybe they were using an iron-nickel based ore to create the swords so the only word he knew in his vocabulary was 'steel'". If that is the case, how then do you go to say that the Book of Mormon is the "most correct book on the earth" if there are translation errors in it?

My Testimony

Since there is no archeological evidence of steel swords, iron armour, etc yet to be found in those cultures, what does that mean for me? Does that mean that the entire LDS doctrine is incorrect? Does that mean the Church I have belonged to my entire life is false? Does that mean the Book of Mormon is false?

Honestly, I don't have the answers to those questions. But, what I do know is this: Whether or not the Church is true, living the principals taught therein has brought me happiness. Learning to love my neighbor, striving to do what is right, praying to my Heavenly Father, repenting of my sins, being kind to others, providing service for the needy, being an example of good faith and righteousness, loving my family--all these things bring me true joy. I don't need an angel to come down and tell me that the Church is true or that it is not true. To me, the Church is true because it helps me become a better person.

Lately, I've been finding myself questioning some major key doctrines found in the Church. So, I've just stopped questioning. Instead, I've decided to focus on the things that I know are true for myself. I'm starting to re-evaluate my life and my personal relationship with my Savior. It may be different from yours and it may be different from the "standard" Mormon relationship--but it's mine.

I'm trying to reconnect with core Christian faith and values. I'm trying to become "Born Again". I believe that Mormons are so afraid of shouting "Hallelujah's", or "raising the Church roof" with music, or praying to Jesus that we are focusing too much on the little things, when we should be focusing on the major aspects of our religion: truth, Jesus Christ, happiness, and love.

And that, my dear friends, is how I plan to live my religion from here on out.

"The Realignment"

This event is occurring right now in the theatre department. President Sam., the dean of Theatre and Media Arts, and all faculty members are required to participate in what is called, "The Realignment".

Apparently, the avid audience members of both the film and theatre departments are fed up with the inappropriate content that the zoobie student population is hashing out. This realignment is said to bring the focus of plays, films, and animation back to a religious origin and provide for our audience members content that anyone kind find suitable.

For the past few days, I have been a little worried. I mean, we already live in such a heavily concentrated group of LDS people. How are we to "experience" the effects of the "real world" if we can't even portray that on stage?

Granted, the audience members that attend the productions are middle-aged, greying, mid-life-crisied Mormons who are afraid of accidentally saying the word "penis". These are the people who make the university money, because these are the people who pay over $18.00 for tickets. It makes sense. But at what cost?

The student's cost. Instead of catering to our needs as the future generation, we are bending over backward to cater to those who will--sooner than ourselves--turn into dust.

But, all hope is not lost.

We just have to worry about what content is performed on the main-stage productions. Student productions, Mask Clubs, class-room projects are not going to feel the affects of the "realignment" as much. Why? Because Zoobies are freakin' awesome.

If our creativity on mainstage productions is going to be thwarted, then our creativity behind closed doors will thrive. This is just like when the Puritans closed down all the Elizabethan theatres during the 1500s. Only a select few were allowed to perform theatrical pieces. However, those that couldn't performed "drolls". Musical adaptations of classic stories. The drolls became more popular with the general public and those that actually cared about theatre.

I think I'm going to start my own drolls as well. I don't need my creativity to be thwarted for catering to the people who drop the serious cash. I want to cater to creative minds. I want to cater to those who want to experience the real world. I want to cater to students who have dreams, goals, and will do whatever they can to achieve them.

Realignment? What realignment?

BYU Kicks out Gays

I have heard from a trusted source (who will remain anonymous) that 8 male performers from the Music, Dance, and Theatre Program at BYU were kicked out of school for being gay. This source is currently working with "high-up" faculty members at BYU and I believe what she says. She went on to say that, "these men were transferred to the University of Utah" where, I'm sure, they will find more peace, acceptance and love.

This scares me.

BYU is supposed to feel like a safe haven for gays. Well, at least the HFAC and the Richards Building are. This source also informed me that the theatre department is also starting to crack down on the "inappropriate content" that is so rampant in BYU plays. If I can't even feel safe to be who I am in the HFAC, where am I suppose to find that safety?

Granted, I could be overreacting. Or, I could be justified in my fearful feelings. There are a lot of people who know I'm gay in the theatre department--including professors. Now, I'm just waiting to be called into the Honor Code office.

I mean, I haven't done anything contrary to the Honor Code--and neither did all those guys who got kicked out. The source told me that most of them were "living a life of sin", but some of them weren't. I think they were kicked out of heresay and hysteria.

Am I going to go through my own McCarthy trials? Does the witch hunt start now?

I don't know. I'm just...worried.

A Stupid Mistake

Last night, I decided to Facebook message a guy who I liked--who I thought liked me back. I just wanted to see if there could be something that happened between the two of us. He also attends BYU and he has a directing class with me.

Here is what I wrote:

(...) I...kinda like you. And if you're straight, I will feel super awkward and that's okay. And if you're gay and not interested, I'll feel super awkward, too. But it's all good. I'm trying to be honest in all parts of my life.

Anyway, that's it. Nothing more to say.

I then immediately texted my friend Ashleigh (name changed). I was super nervous and wanted to see what she thought before he responded. She quickly texted back and said, "Dallen (name changed) isn't gay. He's straight."

I started to freak out. What had I done? I stereotyped a perfectly good straight man into the gay category! Actually, I was pretty justified in my assumption. On his Facebook page, he continuously posts about Kylie Minogue, Mel Gisbon's eyes, Lady Gaga and other seemingly "gay" topics.

I waited and he finally responded. Dallen wrote,

To be honest, I'm not interested in that way, but it's all good. I really do like you and enjoy being with you. You're are fun. Do not worry yourself or feel embarrassed in any way. I still respect you and will keep this between us. I have been in WAAAAY MOOOORE AAAAWWWWKWWWWAAAAAARD situations. You are fine. Do not fret in the slightest. I understand that you are coming forward with something that is extremely personal, especially feelings-oriented, and that you may feel vulnerable. Please, don't worry or feel embarrassed or any less of yourself. Be at peace, and know that anything you've said has not affected any negative thoughts or feelings toward you. It's all cool.

In all truthfulness, his response did make me feel a little better.

But, I still feel like a douchebag. The biggest thing that irks me about this is the fact that I am feeling more alone each day when I go to school. The amount of gay guys in the HFAC seem to be dwindling...and the more and more I start to ask around, the less the "gay family" that I assumed to be in the HFAC is disappearing.

It was a stupid mistake.

Like A Child

Sobbing, that is.

Tonight, on the ride home from going to Clinton, UT for my old roommates wedding reception, I was listening to "No One is Alone" from Into the Woods. However, this wasn't the version from the original Broadway cast recording. It was Bernadette Peters singing a beautiful solo.

For some reason, that song, and the night, and being alone, and feeling sad for my parents problems, my problems, my friends problems, and I just started crying. No. Sobbing.

My Voice and Diction professor keeps telling us to "...let the iron gate that holds in emotion to let go." So, I did.

And it was...scary at first. I sounded like a child, but in mans body. But, it felt so good. It felt so relieving. It felt so liberating.

I just wish there was someone to hold me when it was all over.

Who am I Now?

"Don't tell me who I am. My whole life I've done what someone else said I should do, and who he said I should be. I followed his rules, I set to his plan and...I never stopped to think about what I wanted...and what I needed. And now? I don't know who I'm supposed to be."

~Dexter from Dexter

Gay Men, Old Love, and the Book of Mormon

I have always wondered how gay men of hold handled relationships and their lives. I am sure we all understand that homosexuality was much less accepted societally than it is today. My father thinks that it is because the world is getting more wicked--which could be the case. Or, it could be because the world is learning to become more Christlike and learn to love everyone. Regardless of what the world is becoming, or how many openly gay men there are compared to in the past, the point is is that there were gay people in the past. Some were brave enough to live openly...albeit it in their own homes or abroad.

The other day, I stumbled across a beautiful website. It's called Woolf and Wilde. They chronicle homosexual relationships as far back as the early 1800s. They include pictures and either poems that relate to the photo or, a first hand account of what the photo is.

This one is one of my favorites.

To me, their entire website simply shows, that gay men and women--even when faced with a greater social adversity than we do--still found love. They still were able to find someone whom they could appreciate, care for, and cherish. And to me, they seemed happy.

Now, what does this have to do with the Book of Mormon?

I just love how some members of the Church say things like, "Being gay is wrong. It talks about it in the Book of Mormon." Actually, it doesn't. It never once explicitly states anything to do with homosexuality. Of course, it talks about sexual transgression, but that's another story.

But I've always wondered: What about the gay Nephites? The gay Jews? The gay Laminites? There had to have been at least one. And, I think I may have found him.

If you go to the book of Omni, chapter 1:25, you can read about Amaleki. He only wrote a few verses, but he had no seed. There's the kicker. No seed? No children. Did that mean he had a wife? I'm not sure. He could have been single.

What? A single man, no children, living in the time of the Nephites? Preposterous. He would have had to get married to receive all the blessings of eternal life, right? Well, maybe. We can tell that he was trusted enough by the church and his family to be in charge of the plates of brass until he died. Since he had no children, there was no one to give the plates to.

Could this man have been a gay Nephite? I would like to say so. If we can only speculate if he had a barren wife--thus producing no children--we can also speculate that he may have been gay.

To me, all of this gives me hope. The gay men of the past, who found ways to find love; the gay men in our Church's history and now; the knowledge that I have all help me continue on every day.

If these men can do it, so can we.

The Life After--Part Fifteen--MoHo's Have Parties?

It took me a while to get back on my feet again after the alcohol-driven sexcapade entered into my life. When I was able to find solid ground, I decided that I wanted to try dating in the MoHo world. I had heard that there were MoHo parties at some guys house near Salt Lake.

I can't remember exactly how I heard about it, or how I got a ride up there, but as soon as I started asking around for more information about the party, I was arriving at the doorstep.

I was a little nervous. I didn't know anybody there and I didn't think anyone would even appreciate me. I knocked on the door with another fellow MoHo and a wonderful woman answered. She greeted us with a smile.

"Hey," I said, "We're here for the party."

"Of course you are!" She said. Grabbing our hands, she let us in.

The place was packed. I wasn't expecting so many MoHo's at a party. There were some guys who were obviously together and others who looked like they were just having fun. I saw an open spot at the table, where most of the "action" seemed to be happening.

Sitting down, I awkwardly introduced myself.

The other guys were nice, and they made me feel as if I was home. We shared stories, experiences, and then...that's when I saw him.

He was wearing a tight blue shirt--which matched his eyes perfectly--and sitting at the other end of the table. He kept on making eye contact with me.

Who is this guy? I wondered. And why does he keep staring at me?

"Hey," he said. "Can I get your number?"

"Really?" I asked. "Why?"

"Ummm..." He looked down sheepishly. "So, we can, you know...hang out...if you want to."

I was stunned.

"Really?"

He laughed.

"Really."

I gave him my number.

Throughout the evening, we spent all the free time we could together. We talked, we laughed, and he even held my hand. I was loving this!

We decided to ride home together.

That's when things started to get crazy.

~End Part Fifteen

The SuperBowl

Yes. I just watch it for the commercials. Really. That's it.

Oh, and to watch Christina Aguilera totally mess up the lyrics of our National Anthem.

Let Loose the Horses--Script Preview

Hey guys and gals,

I'm working on a script right now called, "Let Loose the Horses". Of course, it deals with homosexuality as one of it's main subjects. However, it is not simply a musical about being gay. It's more than that.

Remember, this is a preview. Just...something small that I've been working on. Let me know what you think.
Photo Courtesy of Woolf and Wilde
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DENVER: I don’t want to be laughed at. I don’t want to feel hated. I don’t want to be left out of family gatherings. I don’t want any of that.

ALAN: What do you want?

DENVER: It doesn’t matter because I’ll never have it.

ALAN: You’re right.

Denver sighs, long pause.

DENVER: I just want…to be held. I want to feel the warmth of another man against my body. I want to feel his breath on my neck as he whispers that he loves me. I want him to buy me presents and call me when he’s going to be home from work late. I want him to smell bed and not do the dishes, so I can yell at him and we have make-up sex. I want to buy a house and grow tomatoes in the backyard and invite people over and watch stupid movies and get a dog and have a family…and just…live. I want to live.

ALAN: Deep in thought What’s stopping you?

DENVER: Scoffs. Everything. Everybody. God. My parents. My friends. My students.

ALAN: I’m gonna say something to you, that you may not like. But, you’ve gotta hear it, okay? I don’t want you to start crying, or to take offense, but it’s the truth, and sometimes, the truth hurts. Denver, you are a good man. You will make some other man so lucky that he’ll curse the days when he never got the courage to come and talk to you sooner. He’ll wake up in the morning before you, look over at your sleeping body and wonder how lucky he ever got to be with you. He’ll probably go into the kitchen and make you breakfast and make the eggs the way you hate them. He’ll go to work, he’ll come home, he’ll make money—but none of that will matter to him, because the only thing that does…is you. You might not notice it yet. But there have been men in your life that have wanted to drop everything just to be with you. It’s you who’s holding yourself back. Not them, not God, not your parents, not the freakin’ president of the united states. It’s you, Denver. And the only person who’s going to be able to help you get what you want...is yourself.

The Life After--Part Fourteen--Hungover

"Andy," Sharon said, gently shaking my shoulders. "Andy!"

I opened my eyes. It was dark. I looked out the window. It was still nighttime.

"What time is it?"

"About 1:45."

"What am I doing awake?"

"I need you to drink this," Sharon handed me a tall glass of water.

"Why?"

"So you don't get hungover."

"Oh. Makes sense."

I took the glass from her hand and drank the entire thing.

"Thanks," I said.

I looked around. A TV was on and I was on something squishy. I put my hand underneath me. Oh. It was a bed. I turned my head to my left and there was Mike and Sharon in their birthday suits.

Oh, no! I thought. What did we do?

Then, it all came rushing back to me.

Mike grabbed my leg. Went into the "no-no" area. I did the same to him. One thing led to another and here I was. Lying on a bed. With no pants on. What? Hmmmm...where are those pants? Oh, well. I'll find them later.

When I woke up again, it was Sunday morning. Mike was still in bed and Sharon was in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal. Surprisingly, my head wasn't hurting at all. I looked around on the floor. Ah! There they were. I put my pants back on.

Sharon looked up from her bowl of cereal.

"How did you sleep?"

"Okay, I guess." I stretched.

"Do you want me to take you home?"

Oh, do I!

"Yes, please. That would be nice."

Sharon and I got into her car and she drove me home. It was about 8:30 in the morning.

I didn't know what to think. What had I done? Who had I become? Who did I do?

I knelt down and prayed. I didn't ask for forgiveness because...well...I was pretty sure what I did was bad. So, I just prayed that I would never do it again. It was a dumb choice--especially when there were three people involved.

I got into my bed and went to sleep.

5 hours later I went to Church.

~End Part Fourteen