How Being Gay Made me Fat

Day 5 - Thoughts regarding inner turmoil about your sexuality; Did you have any? Did it escalate to self-injury or suicidal thoughts?

Although my inner turmoil did not escalate to self-injury...wait. No. It has. Do you know what it has done for me? It has made me become addicted to food. Let me see if I can explain myself better.

In the Church, we are taught that if we do what's right, become perfect, eventually, we will become like God and live forever in His presence throughout eternity with our families.

I've wanted that, and living in the church has made me never want to do anything "wrong" so I could live with my family.

I knew that if I turned to food, it would (1) help me feel better and (2) create a physical, protective layer of fat to keep me from having sex with a man.

So yes, this inner turmoil has led to self injury. I was addicted to food. I gained a lot of weight because of it. I turned to food to comfort me, and to protect me from sin.

I am trying to turn away from food as a source of comfort. I am trying to turn to friends, or exercise, or something else that isn't harmful to bring me comfort.

I could go on, for pages and pages, about the inner turmoil. However, I think this will suffice.

What has the inner turmoil done to you?