I just wonder why gay men--and women--go to Church. Again, I honestly don't know if I believe in what the Church teaches. If the Church believes that they seek after anything that is "lovely, praiseworthy, or of good report", then why can't they abide gay marriage? A church that bullies against gays is not a church I want to be a part of.
I have some gay friends who go to my ward. They go more often that I do. I just don't understand.
For you gay men and women out there who still attend the Mormon faith...why do you do it?
Saying that the church "bullies" gays is a very one-sided way to look at it. I'm not trying to defend the church, but I am able to see the issue from both sides.
ReplyDeleteAs far as going to church... I still believe. I still have a testimony. I still have faith that the man called to lead this church are men... men in a divine calling, but men nonetheless... prone to error, prone to mistakes, prone to having personal bias influence how they interpret the spirit.
Many do not agree, but that's how I see it. :)
I've come to the conclusion that I attend church because I believe the gospel of Jesus Christ is indeed found there. I still attend church because I still fully believe.
ReplyDeleteSo far, continued participation is indeed a positive thing for me. I think, actually, not attending church would have a negative effect on me and my life. I'd miss it. I'd miss the spirit I feel there. I'd miss certain people. I'd miss the discussions. I also don't see that attending church has any personal cost for me, other than 3 hours of my day. Not attending, again, would cause some personal cost, I have no doubt.
I enjoy Church. I have something of a testimony.
ReplyDeleteI am considering going on a break to help me get up the nerve to experiment with gayness, but I'm pretty sure I'll be back in some form when I decide expressing my gayness isn't right for me right now or when I have a stable group of support outside the Church to balance against it. I have no desire to leave/give up on the Church, though my relationship with it is evolving.
I also don't understand how or why gay people go to church... except that I used to be the person that wanted that. I used to think that the two can coexist... being gay and active in the church. I am trying to understand what I was thinking or feeling. I think part of it was that i equated being Mormon with the reason I was a "good person." So I wanted to stay a "good person" while accepting a core characteristic of who I was.
ReplyDeleteBut as time passed, I realized that being Mormon isn't what made me a good person and that it didn't make any sense (in my mind) to stay. I saw it like this:
Even if I wanted to be fully involved and active in the church... I could only do that in as much as I wasn't pursuing a life partner of the same gender. This is a problem though, because I have found the greatest support and strength and love in my relationship with another guy. Having him by my side makes anything possible. I can endure any trial, any rejection, etc, etc. I would not give that up for anything.
The moment I find that person that I want to spend my life with, I am excluded from participation in the church. Why fight so hard to be a part of an organization that refuses to include me?
I know it is a lot to give up... the traditions, the sense of community, etc... but it is nothing in comparison to real love for and from another person who you choose to spend your life with. Also, the more questions I ask, the more things don't add up. My beliefs were built upon a system of acceptance without question. There was no reason to really question before. Now that I question, the answers paint a very different picture than what I had in my mind about the church growing up... through my mission, and at BYU. It is sad. Sometimes we want the fairytale ending... so we ignore real-life. It is a hard dream to give up, but I don't regret it so far.
Jonathan is absolutely right. And I would add one point. In my experience, every good thing that might be found through attending the Mormon church is also available elsewhere, without the enforced second class citizenship or the risk of bigotry and ostracism. This includes spiritual fulfillment.
ReplyDelete