That was something my mother told me during one of our 2-hour long conversations. In the conversation, I told her that I would most likely end up leaving the church. There is no room for gay people--especially those who are "living the lifestyle".
She told me this after I told her what I yearned for, what I needed, and what I wished for in my life.
I told her:The church--and the gospel--will never give me 100% satisfaction and life fulfillment. It's just impossible.
I want to wake up next to a man who loves me and cares for me.
I want to make him breakfast.
I want to be held, to be loved, to be cherished.
I want a satisfying sex life.
Trying to be gay, while serving "worthily" in the Church is almost a death sentence. You can never feel truly appreciated, cared for, touched, or held, by the people you are attracted to.I don't know if my mother will ever be okay with me being gay.
I just wonder what my dad thinks about all this...
I am SOOOO sorry you had to hear those words. They hurt! My mom feels the same way but I have been with my partner for 13 years and things HAVE changed. Unfortunately (for her) she can't influence my nieces and nephews in the way she would have liked and we are WELL loved aunts. It still hurts though.
ReplyDeleteI've had that exact conversation with my mother...to which i replied, "then i guess it was nice knowing you. You can choose. It's either me or your church"
ReplyDeleteI left it at that and didn't speak with here for a year.
We are now speaking again, and things are much better.
You are going down a path that I think is brave and the correct one to take. It's much better to tackle these issues head on when you are younger, than years later after having married and fathered children. Who you are never goes away, and it's a sin to treat yourself as if you have an incurable disease.
ReplyDeleteI understand how painful this can be and I'm very sorry you have to go through it. You are correct that in the end you need to do what is best and right and good for you. Your heart will guide you and your family will get through it. You may need to give them some space but the great thing about Moms is that eventually they almost always love their children more than they love the church. I love you. Brad
ReplyDeleteThe good side of this conversation (if there is one) is that you don't have to confront this situation right now. When that day does come, I think missing a Christmas or two would quickly change the minds of most parents.
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