You see, in my mind, my overeating is directly tied to being a gay member of Christ's church. I have, ingrained in my mind, that if I get a boyfriend--or life partner--that I will be sent to Hell, and never see the face of God or Christ. Ever. Now, I know that I am silly for thinking that. But it's the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that has ingrained this thinking into me. I'm trying to learn how to overcome this idea. But, my counselor is making it harder.
My counselor is a graduate student at BYU. She has never had a "case" as interesting as mine--I should know, I asked her--and she told me point blank that she can't "in good faith, affirm [my] decision to leave the Church or get a boyfriend while attending BYU".
Of course, I see her logic. At the same time, I'm like..."What? Why am I wasting my time with you? Most counselors in the real world try to help you life your life, the way you want to...not follow the same mantra over and over again."
I'm not sure if I am going to meet with her again. I know she can't tell the Honor Code Office--that would be illegal. I guess...I just want to be affirmed at BYU. But, that will never happen.
I've thought about going to the USGA (Understanding Same Gender Attraction) meetings they have on campus.
Maybe I'll give those a shot.
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ReplyDeleteYou should consider going to USGA. Great people and lovely discussions. If anything, just go attend the Wendy's after-meeting "dinner".
ReplyDeleteMy therapist/counselor at BYU was completely sympathetic with me. He completely affirmed my homosexuality and even stated a few times that the way the church treats gays is wrong. Maybe you just need a new counselor.
ReplyDeleteIt's better she was honest with you up-front.
ReplyDeleteNow, I'm with Mr. F. I've had tremendous councilors/counselors? at BYU. You need to switch. They should let you.
Thirding Mr F and Trev, do try switching. My third one was golden.
ReplyDeleteI affirm you!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I was too scared to go to the counseling center when I was there. I'll admit, at a UC school the therapist didn't quite know what to do with my mormonness, but she tried really hard to affirm my religious identity and my sexual identity. Bent over backwards, even as an intern.
Is it so hard to imagine doing the same thing at BYU, where theoretically they could understand both sides the best of anyone?
Sigh.
Hold strong. I want you to know that I believe you are on the right path. Not that that matters a lick, but at least you know some random blogging friend out there has got your back:D
Ok, being a graduate student in counseling psychology I have to voice my opinion on this matter.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, this woman is a bigoted idiot. She is completely ignoring years of training in multicultural awareness and cultural sensitivity. Counselors are trained in showing empathy an understanding to clients from a variety of backgrounds. Obviously she is choosing to be morally imposing of her values, which is also a critical violation of the American Counselors Association's guide to counseling.
That being said, I agree with others that you need to go find a different counselor. I too attended the BYU counseling center but in a group format. It was incredibly liberating and when I came out, I didn't know it at the time, but someone else there was struggling with coming out too and he said I inspired him to do it.
This counselor you're going to now will eventually pay the price, and probably quite literally because that kind of narrow-minded view will cost her many clients. Honestly, if she's a graduate student, she should tell you her supervisor's name so you can go to him/her and complain.
However, I do believe she did the right thing being upfront about her views. At least she has that going for her. Better to know that now than to have crappy counseling sessions and not know why you're not making progress.
Finding the right counselor for you is a challenge, but one that all Counselors are aware of. You are under no obligation to stay with her. Part of counseling is to find someone who can understand where you're coming from and where you want to go.
Find someone new. And maybe join a general group for the semester. I did three while at BYU and they were all great! And know you're friends love and support you. I am here for you if you need me.
Get a new counselor. There are definitely others at BYU who will actually HELP.
ReplyDeletePlease come! It's a lot more fun than being judged. USGA people won't judge you... unless your straight ;)
ReplyDeleteThat was a joke guys, come on
I agree with Mister F, Trev and Matt. I had a great counselor at BYU. Try again!
ReplyDeleteThanks, you guys for the wonderful comments and ideas! I just called the counseling center and I asked to be transferred to another counselor who would be able to affirm my decisions. His name is Dallas--whom I have worked with before.
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the help!
I'm another grad student in the CPSE department, and I think it was a great decision to see someone else. Dallas is excellent, I've seen him myself :)
ReplyDeleteAlso, come to USGA. We'd love to see you!