When I was serving my mission in Portugal, the movie was released about February of 2006. Everywhere I would go, I would see posters of Jake Gylennhal and Heath Ledger and I yearned to see the movie.
On the plane ride home from Portugal to the states, the first movie I saw on the portable players the attendants handed out was "Brokeback Mountain". Well, I tried to watch it anyway. Here was a recent LDS missionary--still wearing his suit, tie, and name badge, watching one of the most controversial films of the year.
I was shameful to watch it. I was scared to watch it. I really only watched about 15 minutes of it.
Since that day, on the plane ride home, I have not had the--courage?--to watch it. Every time I wanted to rent it, or watch it online, I would stop at about the same place I did on the plane ride home. But, now. Well, everything is different.
Watching the film now is almost cathartic. It just proves to me how much I've grown in my confidence in being gay. I am no longer afraid to watch it. And I don't feel shameful.
That's it. Nothing more. Well, it means a lot to me actually.
I moved in and out of my family home quite a few times over the last 10 years. Often whilst preparing for my next big life adventure. A lot of my stuff is boxed up in a cupboard. My mum decided to start making her way through my DVD collection. One day she came across Brokeback Mountain. She knew of the film but had never seen it. She watched it one afternoon whilst my siblings were at school. The moment it finished she called me in tears and told me that she loved me. She thought the film was beautiful and hopes that I will one day find somebody I can love with all my heart. My mum has always been cool about my sexuality, I've been lucky and blessed. But I think Brokeback Mountain, let her into an emotional element that she hadn't realised existed
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