Now, don't get me wrong. Marriage is wonderful. However, when I see these young men who I know what they've done, what guys they've dated, and what lives they have pretended to lead, and I see them getting married and trying to fit the perfect LDS "mold", I am afraid for them.
I am afraid for them because I know that, most likely, their marriage will fail. Out of all the mixed-orientation-marriages that I have seen, 99% of them have failed. Both partners know of the same-sex attraction, and both think, that through the power of Christ and the gospel, that by being married...somehow...it will all go away...or, that by doing what's right, they will be the exception and they will be able to stay together.
Forgive me for being a pessimist, but...I don't think that's how it works.
Is there any hope for these gay LDS men and women who are getting married to a straight spouse?
I know some of you are doing it right now--quite successfully. What makes your marriage work?
Some of you have done it and failed. Why?
My marriage failed because, as a gay woman, I COULD NOT be married to a man. Not in any way: physically, emotionally, or spiritually. I tried, but it was not something I was capable of doing. When I realized, after about two seconds of so-called marriage, that I would rather be dead than be married to a man, I left. And, it was the BEST thing I could ever have done.
ReplyDeleteI understand where are you coming...To be all but completely out, and then to try and pull back into the closet and pretend the elephant isn't in the room is nuts. I know one young man very well who has done this, after being in gay relationships, and his year and a half of mixed-orientation marriage has been nothing but misery for him and his wife, and the marriage is quickly leading to divorce. All I can think is "What did you think was going to happen?"
ReplyDelete"A handful are simply leaving."
ReplyDeleteUmm... I think "handful" may be something of an understatement. Like, a HUGE understatement.
I know of three people - former partners of mine - who are currently married and their marriages are a MESS. One has divorced already and the other two are headed down that road. What is saddest is they ALL have children who are now in homes that are broken or breaking down.
ReplyDeleteIt has "worked" for me for 26 years. It isn't always easy, but I am so grateful for my wife and family. I would never make a blanket statement that it is a recommended or feasible option for everyone, but it is possible for some.
ReplyDeleteIt's tempting to just generalize, but there are always anomalies, rare as they are, like Bravone that seem to make it work.
ReplyDelete