I've been questioning my testimony lately. I question the reality of the First Vision, the history of the church, and subsequent revelations. Some people may think that I am losing my grip on the gospel reality and on my testimony.
But then I asked myself, "What is a testimony? What is my testimony?"
Of all the times that I have felt the Spirit witness truth to me, it was about the love that God had for me and His other children. I have felt the Spirit when watching films or theatre pieces. I've felt my testimony strengthened when others bare the standard that God lives and loves every one of His children. I've felt my testimony grow and wax strong when reading about the life of Jesus and His ministry in the New Testament, and yes, even the Book of Mormon.
Thinking through my testimony, I've never had a moment when the Spirit told me that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only true church. We're taught, in the Church, to say to ourselves, "Well, the Church must be true if I'm having these feelings..." But, what if we're having those feelings because the spirit of God is simply telling us that we're His children, that we're all here for a reason, and that He will always love us?
Which is way I ask for your testimony.
Do you believe in God? What do you believe? What makes you believe and behave the way you do?
This is a call for truth. A call for testimonies.
Sometimes when I'm up at the pulpit sharing my testimony with other people, I feel the truth of what I'm saying the most. It is like a reassurance from Father in Heaven that I'm not making it up or lying to people.
ReplyDeleteI have a testimony that our Heavenly Father loves us all. That He cares about me as an individual and that He wants me to share that love with all the people that I know.
I have a testimony that Joseph Smith found the plates because I have a testimony of the Book of Mormon. Not all men are perfect and I think that overtime I've realized that just because someone is a prophet or an apostle and they get to speak in conference doesn't make their words perfect or true. Heavenly Father gave us free agency so that we can pray for ourselves and understand for ourselves if what they are saying is true.
The church started baptizing black people and giving them the priesthood right when the church started...and then they stopped. I don't know if I believe that they stopped because Heavenly Father wanted them too. I think that someone must have been racist.
It irritates me when I hear people say "The church is true". The church is not true. The church is full of sinners. Every single one. The Gospel though...that is true. The Book of Mormon is a divinely inspired book.
But I, like you, have felt my testimony grow when I'm in other churches or I hear something another church does that is right and good. We aren't the only church with light and knowledge.
And I think it is good to embrace that when we see it in other religions. I consider myself a bit of a Buddhist. Some of my Buddhist beliefs don't threaten my LDS beliefs and so I feel okay about it. I just find some of the concepts very very beautiful. I say Embrace all light and knowledge you can find.
Most importantly, I believe that I have a Savior, a brother, who died for my sins and my pains and I can testify with a sure knowledge that He makes me whole. Every time I'm broken and bruised from the pains of the world of my own sin, He has gathered my pieces and sat with me on dark days when I didn't want to put it back together again and on days when I was ready to heal. It helped me put it back together and be whole again.
I love my Savior and I love my Father in Heaven. Sometimes I'm mad at Them and I've found Them to be very understanding of that anger. I'm grateful to Joseph Smith for find and translating the Book of Mormon and dying as a martyr for what he believed in. Even if he said things that I don't agree with, I know that everything coming out of his mouth wasn't revelation.
I also has a testimony that Heavenly Father put us in the lives of people who we need to be with. And I know that He wanted me to meet you and be your friend. And I'm extremely grateful for that.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
I have a testimony that the Gospel is true, that God lives and loves us individually and perfectly, and that Jesus Christ atoned for our sins and was ressurected. I also have a testimony that men are flawed, make mistakes and "see through a glass darkly"; but I believe the Lord works through His Church and its imperfect Priesthood leaders. I believe that the Priesthood is only found in the LDS Church. I believe he is pleased with the Church collectively, but not necessarily individually - and sometimes that can mean those that lead us.
ReplyDeleteSo we must take the Spirit as our guide and obtain a witness of what is or is not right. I believe it is our responsibility to obtain this special, personal witness of what we are taught - no matter what the sources. I believe we are "accountable for our own sins" and must repent and correct our mistakes; we must also allow others the grace to do the same.
I believe the scriptures are the Word of God and are there for a guide and conduit to higher knowledge. I believe in continuing reveleation, the Restoration, and that Christ will come again to reign in peace and reclaim this broken world as His own.
This is my testimony, which has been obtained by manifestations of the Spirit and the power of God in my life (including miracles) and direct answer to prayer.
When I used to bear my testimony in an LDS church, I would mainly bear testimony that I felt God's love for us. I remember saying things like "I have a testimony that this church teaches people a way to be happy." And I was happy. And I did feel God's love for me. But when I bore testimony that I believed that a 14 year old boy had had a vision, I did not know the truth about that "vision" which I am now 99.9% sure never happened. When I bore testimony about "the millenium" I did not know that Joseph Smith was one of many millenialists who believed that the Earth was only 6000 years old and that when the year "7000" rolled around it was all over. There are good feelings when you are a mormon, but you do not need mormonism to feel them. "The spirit" is emotion. The world is so much bigger and there are so many more emotions to feel and fabulous things to experience without mormonism in it. Mormonism makes your world small. That is my current testimony--that you can be so much more happy and so much more fulfilled without mormonism. It is not an easy road, leaving mormonism, but I am so glad to be where I am and to have my eyes opened to the truth. I am no longer required to look down on people who do not believe like I do (I don't care what mormons say--they are trained that "we are right, everyone else is wrong". How are they not supposed to feel/act superior to others?) I can decide for myself how to dress/act/talk/think/believe. I can be friends with anyone and I don't have to argue with them that I have the "truth" (so ironic) and what they believe must be false. Frankly, I don't give a shit what other people believe. I don't have any need to find out what religion they are. I try to love everyone and I find it very easy to do. I bear testimony that mormonism is anything but "true." ~Becky (I can never post with my google ID, I don't know why.)
ReplyDeleteThe Spirit bears witness to truth and truth can be found in many places and churches. However, you commented that you have felt the Spirit while reading the Book of Mormon, and that can't be found in many places...it's pretty specific to Mormonism.
ReplyDeleteThe most important thing is that God loves you, and that you maintain your relationship with Him. He will not lead you astray. People are just people struggling to find their way. I admire your courage and faith. You are in a difficult position and I can only imagine how hard it must be to maintain your faith with such personal conflict. The beauty of God's love is that He accepts us however we are. He knows that there are different challenges for each of us, all He asks is that we do the best we can. One of my favorite quotes of all time is from Black Beauty: "Do your best and leave the rest, twil all come right some day or night"
Good luck to you!
~Marie
Becky's sister. I can't ever post with my Google ID either...maybe it's genetic. :)