Even though my life is filled with things that occupy my time, and I feel as if I am more busy than ever before, I am getting more conflicted.
Honestly? I have been feeling the Spirit of the Lord more than ever lately. It is a good feeling. I am striving to be a better person, keep my thoughts clean, and do good to others. However, it feels as if the better person I get, the more I want to get a boyfriend.
It feels as if, the more I get closer to God, the better the idea sounds of settling down with someone. This has happened before in the past, but I am terrified of this idea. This conflicts me...so much. Can what I feel--the closer I am to God--be right? It goes completely against what I have been taught and what has been pounded from the pulpit in recent general conferences.
Does this mean that God would be okay with me getting a boyfriend? Or, is it my own false hopes? Or, is it something from the Devil? Or, am I totally over-analyzing everything?
I mean, I go here:
Read these:
Do this:
...and yet...
I feel this:
Anyone have any ideas? Is it time I go to the Lord with this question? I'm afraid that His answer will be the one that I have been wanting...but that scares me.
How have you coped/sought answers for this predicament?
This is a hard one. I admit that I sat on the fence for a while, as you already know. I felt so good being with another gay guy and really feeling a close physical, and more importantly, *emotional* connection that I hadn't had before.
ReplyDeleteI'll be the first to admit that I never had a really intensely spiritual experience confirming that I should start dating guys. But that doesn't mean I didn't have experiences. I remember little things like after going on a really good date and going to church, I'd feel incredibly peaceful. Or when I was at church with a gay friend I'd feel really at-home.
There were some other cool experiences too. But hey, just look at church doctrine. We are made to be happy right? And we're supposed to do the best we can with what we have also? Then do it. You're gay. Accept it, embrace it, be proud of who you are and how God made you. And so what if you're gay. You can still live church standards of morality. You don't have to drink, smoke, or become some kind of sex monkey.
Live the church standards as best you can with what you have. I'm gay, try my best to follow the word of wisdom and the laws of chastity. I still have never had sex and I won't until I'm married (or whatever the gay equivalent might be).
This path is for you. You are ultimately the one to make a decision. Make on that'll make you as happy as God intended you to be! Forget the bull that people tell you about how you'll never be happy and it won't last. I've never been happier than when I'm with my boy. And I didn't feel a whole lot of peace until after I made the decision to start dating. After I made that choice, I really felt good and have felt that way for a while now.
You're a great guy. Any guy would be very lucky to have you. And no matter what your decision, I will support you.
Much luv :)
You've probably read this, but if not, do: http://youngstranger.blogspot.com/2011/04/three-rules-of-revelation.html. These "rules of revelation" make a lot of sense to me. In the end, it all comes down to you and your experience. No one else is responsible for your salvation or your happiness. Only you can know where you stand with God.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't ask--you aren't following that doctrine.... Time to find out...
ReplyDeleteSounds to me like you are already getting your answer . . . but pray about if it will make it easier.
ReplyDeleteIf we continue to nourish our spirits, living with integrity, purpose, and charity, I think we'll have accomplished what we were sent he to learn. What that means to us individually has been left up to us.
ReplyDeleteI read this when you posted it and wanted to comment but I had to think about it for a bit.
ReplyDeleteI am finding out that there is not one answer for everyone. I have dated, had boyfriends, gone far away from the church. Many people find that ok for them. I say if that is you than do it. I agree with the others on here we are made to be happy. You need to find what makes you happy.
Once I reached that point away from the church I felt something missing which has led me back to the church. I am gay and always will be I just have to find my personal place. I wish you the best and hope you find your spot where ever it may be. :)
It's clear that the closer you get to your Heavenly Father, the more Satan is going to try to temp you. You need to stay strong and resist. Like it says in the Book of Mormon, the Lord won't give us a challenge we can't handle. I know it seems paradoxical, but truths are truths. Have you been keeping your thoughts and actions pure?
ReplyDelete-Stacy
That's very interesting Andy. Have you not asked before? I had a similar experience about my testimony of the church. Having always believed in it I was shocked that when I seemed to be so close to the gospel and doing all the right things (including on my mission) that I for some reason would start to question my testimony and that really confused and scared me. I would ask to know weather God was real, and the church was true, but I wasn't sure if I was doing so with 'real intent' because I don't think I was ready or willing to follow through should that answer be "no it is not". Real intent means that you intend to follow through with the answer right? Well for me that meant that if it was not true I also had to accept that... I felt that for me, that I had to accept that I would forsake what I thought I knew if I found that the answer was *wrong*. Lucky I never got that answer... But maybe you need to ask how real your intent is, because maybe you will not get that answer until you are fully willing to follow through with whatever that answer is?
ReplyDelete-Tim
When I last visited with my bishop and stake president about issues like this, both of them volunteered their opinions--not mine--that the Church has no answers for gay people. They said we have three choices: (1) celibacy, which they said is not realistic; (2) marry someone of the opposite sex and grit our teeth and hope it works, and it usually doesn't and is disastrous so the Church now says don't do this; and (3) leave the Church.
ReplyDeleteMind you, these were a currently serving bishop and stake president, both extremely bright and intelligent men. Saying "We have no answers for you, and we fully understand why gay people leave the Church."
When I finally had the guts to pray about this, my prayer was blunt and short. And so was the answer: He knows, and I'm fine just as I am. Frankly, it's the Church that has to catch up. And it's not ready yet. I for one am not willing to spend the rest of my life waiting in lonely isolation because somebody else isn't ready to set aside their prejudices.
When the institution you trust doesn't have the answers, you gotta find them yourself. And it sounds like you already have, you're just scared of the implications. But remember, a life lived in fear is a life only half-lived.
There are times when we are required to use our own faith and wits to make a choice. I spent years trying to find some one, or some organization that could show me step by step how to get from point A to point B with the least amount of pain. I finally had to accept the fact that the church didn't have my answers, the bishop didn't have my answers. They were in my head and in my heart the whole time. I just didn't want to listen.
ReplyDeleteI encourage you to do what feels right for you.