Everyone is Getting Married

And...I'm not.

Every year, some of my old missionary buddies always ask me if I am going to our mission reunion--we have one every Friday before General Conference. I usually make up some excuse.

Honestly, one of the main reasons why I don't go is because I'm not married. I would feel like an outcast. Being 24 years old and not married in the LDS world makes you different. Most people start trying to figure out why you're not married and start asking questions. I bet most people in my mission know about me (I told some of my companions), so, I don't think that they'd be too shocked, but I do think that people might wonder when I get there alone.

Now, I know most of you who read my blog have experienced this before.

How do you deal with the whole "not married" thing in the Church? What do you say when people ask you why you haven't settled down yet?

I haven't been posting....

Sorry guys and gals....

I haven't been posting lately. Sorry about that! I have been super busy...

*le sigh* life....

The Response from a BYU Religious Professor--Final Thoughts

It all ends here. Thanks for sticking with me and allowing me to post his response.

My question was, "If God has made me gay, then, does that mean He wants me to leave the Church--to make a sacrifice to give up everything--including eternal salvation?"

He said, "I now begin to answer your query as to whether or not God wants you sacrifice your membership in the kingdom. Notice the sequence of the text so far, to those who are not able to have a physical family like others in the gospel does not mean they don’t have place or a name, or that they can’t be fathers and mothers, but their reception of the promises of both place and name greater than son or daughter is contingent upon their remaining true and grasping to the covenant made with God.

Abraham’s sacrifice, while complete in terms of giving up the identity, did not require giving up his covenant relationship with God. Back in the Isaiah text, not only is the eunuch promised a better place and name eternally with God, he is also promised a place and joy here, but such is only offered in the temple.

It is in the temple where one who cannot have a family like others will find peace. It is there that you will find reconciliation and serenity.

I can’t guarantee that you will receive it instantly, but the Lord states explicitly that those who, like the eunuch cannot have a physical family, if they remain true to their covenants, will find place and identity within the temple. Yet if you are unable to enter to the temple, the promise does not stand.

I’ll end here. I wish I had a concrete answer as to why and that I could say there was a easier way; what I can and will witness, is that the spirit whispers to me is that all of his children, including those who are unable to have a physical family, are still meant to have joy. If you, like the eunuch, hold true and firm to the covenant and worship in the temple, you will have peace, you will find place and meaning. You will have a better name than “son.” You will in fact be a father.

Sincerely,
Bro. X

P.S. You have probably already done so, but I would recommend Elder Holland’s Ensign article (Oct. 2007) as well as Elder Oak’s Ensign article (October 1995).

--End of Series

The Response from a BYU Religion Professor--Part Two

I had given my professor the common idea in the MoHo world--and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints--that our spirits we have in this world (which could include homosexuality) will go with us to the next world. Does that mean I will be gay in Heaven?

He said, "You are correct in saying that same-sex attraction is not a sin nor has the church ever said it was, but your reference to the Book of Mormon may be taken out of context (now that’s got to sound like class a bit, eh?). Though you provided no reference, I think the text to which you are referring is Alma 34:34: “for that same spirit which doth possess your bodies at the time ye go out of this life, that same spirit will have power to possess your body in that eternal world.”

While I can certainly see how one may understand the verse to be referring to one’s physical spirit, verse 35 goes to say: “for behold (notice the “for” which works as a “because”), if ye have procrastinated the day of your repentance even until death, behold, ye have become subjected to the spirit of the devil, and he doth seal you his; therefore the Spirit of the Lord hath withdrawn from you.” In this verse, it is the influence of the spirit of the devil or the Spirit of God that we take with us. This is reinforced in verse 38: “contend no more against the Holy Ghost…” Notice that in both it is not our actual individual spirit that is the subject, but the influence of either the Adversary or the Holy Ghost that we take with us.

If you heed the spirit of the devil, you carry that spirit with you, if you are led by the Holy Ghost, it is that which goes with us. Your interpretation of the verse, which does not seem to take in the full context, leads to an assumption of your part that homosexuality is part of your spiritual makeup, something the verse does not say, or does any doctrinal statement that I know of."

--End of Part Two

The Response from a BYU Religion Professor--Part One

The response from my BYU religion professor has arrived. I am going to release his response in 3 separate blog posts. I am doing this because his response was lengthy and chock full of great information, insight and new ideas. I am also editing out some information that pertains to the class discussion we had. If you would like his full response before they are each individually released, please email me at aforee245 at gmail dot com. NOTE: I am releasing these out of order.

My biggest question that I asked him was, "God may be asking men and women who experience same gender attraction to give up the idea of having an earthly family, love, happiness, fulfillment, children, etc.-- only to be rewarded that much more in the next life. To me, however, a life of loneliness and no family--either heterosexual or homosexual--is equal to death."

He said, "...offspring is not necessarily the indication of fatherhood or motherhood. The full ramifications of this is recognition that the life of loneliness and of no family is actualized only if one applies a narrow definition to these terms. This seems to me to be one of the fundamental truths given to women in the church and therefore may be of some aid to you (...) there are a number of different types of individuals who will never be parents in the genetic sense and yet still are family, kin and even mothers and fathers. So you can be as well.

With that said, I know that the definition of “family” that I have talked about is not necessarily going to provide the same sense of purpose as a family of offspring might. God also seems aware of this, because in Isaiah 56:3-7, we have the following: “Neither let the son of the stranger that hath joined himself to the LORD speak, saying, The Lord hath utterly separated me from his people: neither let the eunuch say, Behold I am a dry tree.” This verse has always struck me because an eunuch is exactly one who cannot produce fruit, or offspring. Yet the Lord admonishes these individuals to not say such things, or in others to become dismayed. Why is this? I’m not completely sure, but I think it may be because when we do say such things we effectively cut off any course of action that would say otherwise.

In other words, when we do say such things we are in effect saying it is impossible and thus I can’t continue in this path of purpose so I’ll go in another direction. We have stressed in class that Abraham achieves what appears to be impossible because he believes fully that becoming a prince of peace is acheivable, regardless of evidence to the contrary. So it is with the eunuch. It may seem impossible, but one either trusts God and that he knows what is doing, or one doesn’t. Look at the next verse: “For thus saith the Lord unto the eunuchs that keep my Sabbaths, and choose the things that please me, and take hold of my covenant; even unto them will I give in mine house and within my walls a place and a name better than sons and daughters: I will give them an everlasting name, that shall not be cut off.”

To those who can’t have a family, God promises, if they hold true (which, as an aside, sounds a lot like the iron rod, which Alma suggests is Christ, thus if we reach out and grasp Christ) they will receive a name and place better than sons and daughters. This doesn’t mean you will be better or receive more than sons or daughters, but that you will receive a designation better than “son” or “daughter” (father? friend?), and an eternal designation which will represent your worthiness and right to be with God forever. In fact, this verse is talking about the promises made to Abraham, which we have now spent three days discussing. In other words, your right to be a father is not conditioned on whether you have a physical family, but rather on how true you remain to the covenants of God.

--End of Part One

Justification

I have still not received a response from my Pearl of Great Price teacher. Perhaps he has called the Honor Code office.

On my way home from work today, I decided to call my sister to finalize Christmas plans. Every year it gets more difficult to go home--either because of time constraints, work, money, etc.

After a while, our conversation moved from Christmas to homosexuality. I told her basically what I have been telling you guys for the past couple of weeks: Is homosexuality from God? Can men receive revelations from God about finding husbands? Etc.

My sister said, "Andy, what if those guys who told you that were lying to you? Or, what if they were making it up?"

"I don't think that they would make it up. But, what if they're right? I mean, God has told even some of his prophets to do things that are contrary to His plan--for the greater good. Like Nephi killing Laban."

She stopped and said, "Andy, what you're trying to do is justify your actions and your thoughts. You're trying to justify and change God's doctrine for yourself. But you know what? God's doctrine is never going to change."

I paused for about 30 seconds. I had to process what she said.

I said, "Well, you're right. I am justifying myself. Every single day, I have to decide if I want to stay a part of the Church or to leave the Church. Every day, I am trying to find my own sort of happiness, but...God keeps telling me that I can't find happiness on this Earth. I feel as if I am damned--for I am. God has given me a trial that essentially damns me. I can't get a wife, and I can't have children--things that are innate to His Plan of Salvation. So, either I'm damned by living in the Church or damned if I life out of it."

She said, "I know...you've told me this before."

I then added, "I can know see why so many guys commit suicide--they feel as if it is their only option."

I was late for class and now I am writing this.

Am I justifying myself right to Hell? Am I damned if I find a wife? Am I damned if I don't? What about all the single women in the Church--are they damned as well?

A Letter to a BYU Professor

In my Pearl of Great Price class today, my professor spoke about two important aspects in our lives.

• Identity
• Having the ability to give up everything to receive everything

What he said in class was interesting and mind-boggling at the same time. I was wrestling with the idea of talking to him after class, but a lot of the students had questions for him and I had to go to work.

So, I wrote him the following letter (sans photos).

Brother X,

In class today, you mentioned the importance of (1) identity and (2) giving up everything to receive everything--at least, that is what I got out of your lesson today. Regardless of how I interpreted your lesson, I do have some questions that you may be able to help me with. I understand and realize that you are not my ecclesiastical leader, but your insight may be beneficial to me.

You spoke of letting go of our sins that some believe are part of our identities. For me, the part of my identity that some call a sin is being attracted to the same gender.

Now, I do not feel less of a person, and I don't feel like it is a sin. Actually, the Church does state that simply being attracted to the same gender is not a sin--only the action of doing something inappropriate makes it a sin. We also learn from the Book of Mormon that the same spirit that is in this world will go into the next world, thus making my same-gender attraction literally part of my identity.

I have accepted the fact, as has the Church, that maybe I will not be granted the role of Fatherhood in this life or maybe even the next--which is fine. I just feel as if I have to hike to Moriah every day, only to return with no answers and no fulfilled sacrifice. Could the sacrifice that God is asking me to do be one of giving up all that I have in the Church to receive something better? The thought seems preposterous, but at the same time, similar to what you discussed in class today.

On the other hand, God may be asking men and women who experience same gender attraction to give up the idea of having an earthly family, love, happiness, fulfillment, children, etc.-- only to be rewarded that much more in the next life. To me, however, a life of loneliness and no family--either heterosexual or homosexual--is equal to death.

I guess I don't necessarily have any specific questions for you about what you discussed in class today. All I am asking is for is your response to what I have presented you with today.

What about you guys? What advice or response do you have to the ideas presented here?

A Halloween Story For You

This year, Halloween was pretty dang pricey--and I didn't even get to use the things I paid a lot of money for. I was bummed. I had purchased a bald cap that ripped. The foam latex application wasn't soaking the make-up correctly and a slew of other things prevented me from oozing in self-pity for about 3 minutes.

Luckily, I had a bottle of liquid latex.

I am a scary vampire. I was supposed to be Nosferatu from the old silent film, but like I said, things didn't work out too well.

Funny story: My roommate Andrew, who is an acting major at BYU reminded me to glue stick my eyebrows so the rubber latex wouldn't pull them off. I did remember to glue stick my eyebrows--but not my sideburns.

As I put the latex on, I was having so much fun that I thought to myself, "This will be a cinch to take off. No worries!"

Boy, was I wrong.

As I started to pull off the latex, it started to rip off my sideburns. In the process, it tore some skin. It hurt. It hurt real bad.

So, I've learned a lesson in make-up: Glue stick the things you want to keep. If you don't, you'll end up pulling them off. You'll cry. Don't do it.

And, that's my Halloween story for you.