Things are Looking Up

Hey friends!

Life has been very good to me lately. If you're my Facebook friend, then you will have noticed that I needed to get a car before school started.

I got a much needed Pell Grant and I used the extra money to purchase a car and a new laptop for school. They will both help me out immensely. The car is a 2001 Kia Sephia with 59,000 miles on it. There has only been one owner and she had it for 9 years. She got it when she was 16 years old and she never had any issues with it.

I am taking it to the shop on Monday to get it checked out and get the emission tests so I can register the car. I already purchased it, and that was because my roommate (who is a mechanic) came with me. He said that there was nothing wrong with the car and for a price of $1500.00, why not? So, I did.

I also bought a new laptop, and that is such a blessing! The last computer that I have had has been in my family for about 9 years. It only had 70 GB of space and 256 MB of RAM. So, it was amazing 9 years ago, but now...with a computer that has 500 GB and 4 GB of RAM, it is quite the amazing upgrade!

My life and experiences are going well, too. I have been keeping myself very busy which helps my thoughts to stay clean and focused on the Savior. I love the direction my life is headed and I am glad for the people around me who are there to help me when I need them to.

Love you all!

New York

Wow. I am a lazy fool.

I have been back from New York two weeks already and I haven't even posted anything about it! So, here you go, boys and girls. New York. Andy-style.

I went to New York with my friend Katrina and her husband, Aaron. Lindsey also came with us. In fact, this entire trip was Lindsey's idea! She went up to go to the BlogHER Conference and she invited us to go, too! Obviously, I didn't go to the conference. I went to experience the city of dreams and see shows.

New York is a beautiful city. The skyline is spectacular.

When I was there, I got to see Central Park. It was crazy being in a forest-area in the middle of a huge city. We rented a boat for $12.00 and boated around. It took me a while to learn how to row again, but after 3 minutes, I got the hang of it and refused to let anyone else row. It was fun!

I also ate a lot of New York food. But, I didn't gain ONE SINGLE POUND! That was most likely due to the fact that I was walking everywhere, and that it was super hot and humid, too.

Visiting New York, for me, meant a lot of shows. I got to see three shows.

I saw American Idiot. The set was amazing! It actually won the Tony for best set. I spent $37.50 for a ticket 5 rows away from the stage and off to the right.

On Friday, I spent $40.00 for Mezzanine seating to see Phantom of the Opera. Andrew Lloyd Webber is a musical genius. Even if you don't like his music. Just listen to "Primadonna" from Phantom and tell me that he's not brilliant.

Then, on Saturday, I broke the bank to see Wicked. I spent $201.25 for the BEST SEAT EVER. I was directly in the middle of the Orchestra level, and in the middle of the row. I mean, when they told me it was a premium seat, I didn't realize that I would have the best seat in the house!

The trip also included a trip to the Museum of Natural History and the Museum of Modern Art. Both of those museums are FREAKIN' huge. I couldn't see the entire museum in one day if I wanted to. My favorite museum was the modern art museum. I just love art that really makes you think about life.

So, in a nutshell, that was my New York trip! I loved it!

And, to close, here is a video of me freaking out because we went under the bridge from Disney's "Enchanted".

Where am I going...

I wrote the following on my plane ride home from New York City this past week.

"So, I am on the flight back from New York to Salt Lake. I will then begin my hum-drum life again. Actually, normalcy might be a breath of fresh air after being so busy for the past few days. But, it was totally woth it. I loved every minute I had when I was in New York. The city was breathtaking; the people were friendly and the memories will be endless.

However, there was one aspect of the trip that got my head wrapped around different concepts. I have decided to live a life of homosexual celibacy and strive to do what is right. That being said, going to New York was really hard for me. I saw many gay couples holding hands, hugging and kissing. It hurt me so deeply to know that I can never have that. Or rather, that I am told that I can never have that.

Seeing those men and women made me jealous. I wanted to immediately extend my trip indefinitely and stay in New York. I felt so accepted there. I felt like I belonged. It was wonderful.

It made me question thoroughly my testimony and conviction of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I wanted to know right then and there why gay men and women were wrong, or sinners. I could only see happiness. Of course, that happiness may have been an outward expression or facade of the internal turmoil that reeks inside. Or, I could just be overreacting and the turmoil may actually be the sweet smell of oneness, uniqueness, and love.

I want that. I want to be loved."

Ever since that moment in Central Park, I have been thinking about my decision to do what is right in the eyes of God and the Church or to do what is right in my own mind.

I...just don't know what I want anymore...I just don't know who to turn to, or who to speak to, or how I should or shouldn't feel...I feel lost.

And I haven't felt lost in a really long time.

I don't know what to do anymore. I have great friends and examples who will always love me no matter what pathway I decide to follow in this life; a life of celibacy, or a life with a woman, or a life with a man.

It's just...I don't know what I want anymore...

...bleh...

I hate feeling like this.