Anxiously Engaged

Some of you, my dear blogger friends, may be wondering why I haven't been blogging lately. I've been very busy. Most of my time has been spent with one of my best friends. Soon to be my future wife.

Just kidding! I'm sure that all threw you for a loop!

But, in all reality, Clarise and I did take fake engagement photos. Some of them are very cute. I'm impressed by them. Clarise's boyfriend is my best friend, Geoff, and he is on his mission right now in Japan. We all can't wait for him to get back, and we decided to scare him these last 6 months of his mission by sending him wedding invitations of his girlfriend and his best friend. I'll let you know his reaction.

However, in all seriousness, there has been a reason for why I haven't been blogging/posting insightful things that often.

I have a fear. A fear of losing friends. This fear comes from the fact that I can never leave the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I will do whatever it takes to return to the presence of my Father in Heaven.

There have been so many times in my life where I have felt so alone, broken, diseased, wrong, ruined, torn, mutilated, and forgotten by my Savior and His Father.

But, the times that I have felt loved, appreciated, cared for, watched over, guided, supported, carried, cherished, and caressed by my Savior and His Father completely outweigh the times that I have felt alone.

All those good times that I have had, and continue to have with my Savior have made me realize that I can never leave this Church. My testimony of the truthfulness of this Gospel is too strong. It's too right, it's too good, it's too perfect. However, the people in it are not perfect.

The Church is true; people are jerks.

I want to try again. I want to take each day as it is given to me, and I want to strive my hardest to become a man worthy to be called a servant of the Lord.

Some of you may disagree with me. Some of you may stop following my blog because I've decided to do what I feel is right for me: Stay in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and hopefully one day, have a wife and a family. This is what feels right for me.

If you feel as if getting a partner is right for you, then I applaud and congratulate you. I love gays. I could never, and will never, turn my back on the wonderful men and women whom I have learned to love, appreciate, and cherish.

For me, however, I want to strive to do what I feel and what I know to be right for myself. I want to be able to stand before the tribunal of God and look Him straight in the eye and say, "Dad...I know I wasn't perfect, but...I tried my best. It was super duper hard. Believe me. But, I'm back now, and...I've missed you." Then, I can only imagine the sweet love that I have grown to recognize to come back to me as He takes me in His arms and gives me the best bear hug ever!

I am putting all my faith and trust in Christ. As I take this blind step forward into a future filled with doubt and uncertainty, there is one thing that will always be certain: My Lord and Savior.

Sunrise

Dear Todd Ransom,

I never knew you. I never met you. I've never seen you.

I am sad, sad, sad when I heard that you took your own life yesterday morning.

I have been trying to grieve your loss the best that I can.

I wish for your eternal happiness, even if you could not find happiness here.

I pray that you will be loved forever and ever.

I pray that others will not follow your example, but that we can learn from it.

I hope that those who are thinking about suicide will think again.

As I write this, I am trying to express my love to all people around the world who are gay, experience same-sex attraction, feel neglected, alone, or forgotten.

I love you. You are not alone.

Todd, rest in peace.

Love,

Andy F.

*le sigh*

On Thursday, I rocked an audition for the SCERA's new musical, Hairspray. I did such a good job that they asked me to come back for callbacks immediately when I finished signing. I was called back for Edna (the mom) and Corny Collins (the tv host).

Today were callbacks.

I did the dance auditions this morning without a problem. I'm not the best dancer in the world, but I have fun doing it. 245 people auditioned for the show and about 85 were called back.

When the dance audition was over, the director stood in front of everyone and said, "If I don't call your name, you can go home."

I was not called.

I am a little sad because they loved me so much during the audition and I didn't even get to read for Edna and Corny. My callback wasn't even a real call back. I just danced.

All I have to say is, whoever is cast in the show, better be way more talented than I am. I know that I would have rocked it as Edna or Corny. Sorry, I know that sounds cocky, but I can sing, and I could have played an awesome version of Edna.

Maybe they can't see a 6'4" man, who is not obese (I've lost 30 lbs by the way), play a fat woman. Who knows?

Anyway, I just needed to get that out of my system.

Cooking for a Month

After a great and awesome weekend in Ogden with my friends Clarise and Katrina, I headed home. On the way back, Clarise and I stopped at WinCo. I had never been there before, but Clarise kept telling me it was the best place to shop...especially if you're buying a lot of food.

I walked in, and it was astounding. It looked like Costco or Sam's Club, but you don't have to have a membership to shop there. Everything was super cheap and sold in bulk.

I bought $55.00 worth of food, and arrived home at 7:30 PM. Since then, I have been cooking and cooking and cooking. I have three months until school "starts" and three months until my personal training ends. I have to get my life, eating habits, and exercise routines into high gear now. I have cooked 25 meals, stuck them into little baggies, and froze them. This way, I know exactly what I am going to eat and when. I think this is going to really help me stay on target.

Other than the awesome weekend of happy fun fun times, fireworks and friends, nothing new has been happening.

Oh. But I DO get to go to New York in three weeks. Yeah...you're jealous.