Funny Girl and New Friends

Wow. I have been super busy. Getting up at 6:00 AM to go to the gym, then going to work from 8-5 and then having rehearsal from 6-10 PM takes a toll on you. I have had little time to do much of anything lately.

The show is coming along! We open on June 10th and close on June 21st. I expect you all to be there! Funny Girl is a great show with great music. Our Fanny Brice is AMAZING! I play an ensemble member for most of the show, but I do have about 10 lines in a scene I have with Fanny and Nick Arnstein. It's pretty cool. I'm getting my name out there!

The other cast members are fun, happy, and talented. The other night, some of got together and watched the movie-musical "Nine". I just have to say that the movie was fantastic! I loved it. It was an exceptionally beautiful film. And Fergie? She was definitely fergilicious.

After the movie, myself and three other cast members went to our cars and we talked for 2 hours about being in the show, life, happiness, and where true happiness comes from. We were all members of the Church and we all were bearing silent testimonies of the reality of God and Jesus Christ as we spoke about each of our specific challenges we face. It was a good night.

So, please come see the show! It's going to be fun, and exciting and...if you want $3.00 off your ticket, let me know!

An Individual Plan

Dear fellow friends, bloggers, and readers,

Although I did not realize it myself, there have been some of you that have pointed out to me that the tone of my most recent posts have seemed almost "Holier-Than-Thou". I would like to publicly apologize.

This choice has been a hard choice to make. It has been revealed to me by the Spirit and I cannot dispute what I know to be right for me. However, some of you may have had personal revelations that you cannot also deny. Those revelations may range from staying celibate while living an active life in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or to even leave the Church.

Whatever your personal choice is, I cannot deny you that right. I sincerely hope that I have not offended anyone, or perhaps hurt their feelings.

We are all men and women, equal under God, with free agency to choose how to act. Each person will receive a portion of God's spirit to help them make the choices that will bring them the most joy and happiness in their earthly life and in the life to come.

I hope and pray that everyone can make the right decisions for them.

My Happily Ever After

"Adversity helps to develop a depth of character that comes in no other way. Our loving Heavenly Father has set us in a world filled with challenges and trials so that we, through opposition, can learn wisdom, become stronger, and experience joy" (Apostle Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints).

This past week has been interesting. I have received emails from blogger friends with encouraging words of my choice to do what I believe is right for me. I have also read all of your comments directed to me about the world of pain and anguish that await me if I decide to eventually get married to a woman.

It seems like if I decide to live a life with another gay man, the only thing that awaits me is "despair and anguish" (Mormon Heterosexuals). If I decide to live my life with a woman, the only thing that awaits me is "despair and anguish" (Mormon Homosexuals). What, then, is the right decision for me?

Speaking of choosing what is right to find happiness in this life, Elder Uchtdorf says, "He [God] has created a map for you; He knows the way. He is your beloved Heavenly Father, who seeks your good, your happiness...The map is available to all. It gives explicit directions of what to do and where to go to everyone who is striving to come unto Christ...

Nevertheless, not all will follow the map. They may look at it. They may think it is reasonable, perhaps even true. But they do not follow the divine directions. Many believe that any road will take them to a “happily ever after.” Some may even become angry when others who know the way try to help and tell them. They suppose that such advice is outdated, irrelevant, out of touch with modern life" (Your Happily Ever After, General Young Woman Meeting).

The decision that is right for me, my dear friends, is to follow the map that God has prepared. I cannot be one of His children that decide not to follow the map. I must do what I know to be right and true for myself, and follow that path until it leads me to my eternal destination.

And let me make this very clear: I love gay people. They are, in my opinion, some of the kindest, generous and warmest people I have ever met. I cherish and appreciate you all. I wish for your success as you do what is right for you. I will never, and I have never, voiced an opinion against your personal decisions for happiness. I hope you can do the same for me so we can all say,

"...and they lived happily ever after".

An Explanation and Rebuttal

It has never been easy to live the gospel of Jesus Christ.

-Boyd K. Packer

Oh, boy. I really stirred the pot, didn't I? I didn't intend for this to make such an impact as it did. However, I do not reclaim any of the words that I have already written, nor do I ever plan to. I will stand my ground.

I would like this post to be a sort of rebuttal and explanation to the majority of comments left on my blog.

To begin, I would like to respond to someone who said, "Mixed-orientation marriages are tougher to pull off than you imagine, and they inflict incalculable harm on the straight spouse."

• "Normal" orientation marriages are just as hard, if not harder to pull off. In a mixed orientation marriage, I believe the honesty and trust would be so much more than in a normal marriage. The man and the wife will have to rely on each other to get them through the tough times. While it may be hard for the straight spouse, it's just as hard for the gay spouse.

To continue, I put forth my best effort to rebuttal the next comment. "I think I can plainly state that any marriage where sex is a chore, uncomfortable, and forced will fail. Don't think God made you the exception. Remember, even if you aren't temple worthy, you can be led by the Spirit."

• First off, I always want to be temple worthy; each and every single day. I do not want to be 75% worthy. Or even 99.9% worthy. 100% is the only thing that I can expect and accept from myself. Secondly, while I understand that having sex in a MOM may be more difficult than in a NOM (normal orientation marriage), sex can still be a chore for either partner. How many times does a woman in a NOM have to succumb to the desires of her husband? Or vice versa? Sex is not the main component of a relationship. Love, tenderness, care, honestly, and eternal values are.

"You have no idea of the difficulty and potential pain you would be signing up for. It is your life and your choice, of course. But please don't go there just because your teachers in Church have given you the impression that's what you have to do in order to be good enough."

• You are correct. I do not know exactly what I could potentially be signing up for. All I know is that I want to do it. I did not decide to do this because my teachers in Church have told me to, or given me the impressions that this is what I must do to be good enough. I received this impression from the Spirit. The Spirit did not tell me, "Andy, in order to be good enough, you must get a wife." No. But, if I want a family, if I want a temple marriage, if I want children, I will have to be married to a woman; there is no other option in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

"I'm sorry you had bad experiences being in the "gay world", but I hope that you also realize that you could've had similar experiences in the straight one as well."

• I do not necessarily think my experiences were bad ones. Yes, they may have been the wrong choices, but they are not bad. I learned a lot from them. More than I could have simply by standing on the sidelines and watching. Drinking was an interesting experience, and trying to date was, too. But, I've seen enough from my own experiences and from the experiences of others, that this is not a life that I want to live. I do understand that I could have had these experiences in the straight world as well. So therefore, I must start to hang out with only good, upstanding people who share similar beliefs and morals.

Many of you may think I am making the wrong decision. That is your own opinion, and I am okay with that. I do not hate any of you, nor do I think less of you. Like in my previous post, I said that I will never turn my back on the gay community. There are too many upstanding, smart, beautiful, and talented individuals who are doing the very best that they can. If any one of you gets married to a guy; I want to be there. If any of you have good experiences; I want to know about them. Just because I am choosing a different life path, the one I feel and know to be right for me, doesn't change who I am.

In my last post, I tried (perhaps unsuccessfully) to describe the main driving force behind this decision. I will try again.

Jesus Christ has been a guiding influence in my life. When I started to factor His relationship out of my life and the relationship I had with His Church, things began to slowly feel like they were slipping away from me. I felt like I had no control, nor direction in life. I felt like I had no purpose or plan. I needed extra help.

When I finally came to realize that I was feeling this way because of the choices that I was making, I knew that I had to make a change. I knew that I had to rely on the Savior and understand that my life was going to take a drastic turn for the better. I comprehend that this choice, the choice of staying close to the Lord, His Gospel and His Church will be hard. It will be one of the hardest decisions of my life. However, I know that it will be one of the best decisions I can make in this life.

I do not want to stir the pot anymore. I despise confrontation or negative feelings. For the most part, I am a very happy person, and I want everyone else to be happy.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is not forcing me to marry a woman. God isn't either; nor is His Son. I want this.

Why? Because I know it's the right decision.

No Denying

Lately, I have felt a sort of disconnect with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I decided that maybe I didn't need the church in my life. In other words, I wanted to know if I could live in two worlds: the world of the Gospel and the world of a gay man.

January, I drank for the first time in my life. Things did not go well with the people that were there. I do not wish to go into details, but let's just say that what we did was not PG-13 rated. Even R rated. I was to the point where I had no control over my body and what I did with it. I was possessed by another force; a force which only wanted my eternal demise.

Alcohol has never touched my lips since. Nor has the desire to drink ever returned.

Continuing, I had my first "relationship" with another guy. He was nice, but I am glad it ended. There was a lot of drama, and I can't stand drama. After our first night and our hand games, it all ended.

I've haven't been on a date since. Nor has the desire to date returned.

During these past few months of quiet and personal reflection, something intrinsically and utterly important repeatedly surfaced itself from the fathoms of my mind: The Gospel of Jesus Christ. The harder I tried to push it away, the stronger it tried to pull me back.

Walking with a dear friend of mine, she said, "Andy, are you even worthy to go into the House of the Lord?"

"Yes. I think so. I haven't done anything that bad. "

"But, you got drunk and did stuff with another guy."

"Yeah, but...what I did doesn't constitute not entering into His home."

"Doesn't it?"

For a while, I have been thinking about that conversation. This morning, I got the courage to talk and confess to my bishop.

Entering the room, I felt a little uneasy, but strangely comfortable. My bishop, Bishop L, is amazing.

I told him everything. Nothing was hidden.

We talked about what my plans were for the future. I told him that I really want a family and I really want kids and I really want a wife. Although the thought of being intimate with a woman is a little stressful, it can happen. Sex is not the only aspect of a relationship.

However, the most important part of the conversation was the realization I had (again) that what I was doing was right. Bishop asked me earlier, "How come you never went all the way with those guys? How come you stopped where you did?"

I thought for a moment. I didn't want to say what I was about to say, but I said it anyway.

"Because...I know it's not right. I cannot give up on what I have learned to love and cherish my entire life. I cannot deny what I know to be the truth. I cannot turn my back on the religion that has brought me peace and comfort to my life when I so desperately needed it. I cannot deny what I know to be true. I simply cannot."

Being a homosexual in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is like being on a teeter-totter. One side is God, Jesus, family, religion, hope, charity, love and redemption. On the other side is the homosexual lifestyle. For a while there I was trying to balance the two. For me, the balance was impossible. Thankfully, the weight of the truth outweighed the feeling of loneliness and emptiness the gay world was giving me.

Now please understand, dear reader, that I have no intention of turning my back on the gay world completely. Most of the gay Mormon community is filled with amazing and caring individuals who are striving to do their very best in this earthly sojourn. I am, too.

I want to do what I know is right for me. I want to be an example. I did not like the way my life was heading, and I needed to stop it. So, I did.

You may be asking yourself, "How did this all happen? How did Andy go from the gay lifestyle to the Church-y lifestyle again?" I will tell you.

I missed feeling the Spirit. I missed feeling like I was watched over and protected. I missed feeling the tender mercies of the Lord encircle me and guide me. I missed sensing that I had a real direction in life. I missed the opportunities to serve in the House of the Lord. Above all, I missed being an example.

The gospel of Jesus Christ has never brought me anything but joy and happiness. At times, I feel like it only brings despair and hurt. That's just life. The right thing is the hardness thing to do. I know I'm in for a tough road ahead, but in the gay community, I feel like it is the road less traveled.

And I know that this road will make all the difference.

Erin, the Best Sister Ever!

I have an older sister named Erin. She has one baby named Kate. She is married to a very good man named Dustin. I love them all.

The other day, my sister called me when I was writing a post for this blog.

"Hey! What're doing?"

"Oh, just writing a blog post for my--" I stopped. Should I tell her about this blog? I had been planning to tell her someday anyway.

I took a breath and said, "Well, you know about my other blog...the one I never update? Yeah. I never update that one because I have another blog which I update pretty frequently."

"You do?"

"If you just Google search for my name, it's the first link that shows up."

I then proceeded to tell her about my blog and what was in it. I have no idea if she has read it yet or even remembered that I have this "other" blog.

Erin, if you have read this blog, and have not freaked out yet, I'm super proud of you! I have posted some pretty intense things on here.

I am glad that I have a good sister, niece and brother-in-law who can accept me for who I am as a young adult struggling to find his place in life.

The Evolution of Miley Cyrus

We all knew it would happen. We have seen Disney girl after Disney girl start out innocent and then...Hollywood happens. We saw it with Britney, Christina and Lindsey Lohan.

Now, we are seeing the exact same thing with Miley Cyrus. First, she was as innocent as an angel.


Then, fame started to happen and we saw that infamous Vanity Fair photo.


Yeah, we all know she thought it was "artsy" and that she was "mislead" by the "photographer". Sure. She knew exactly what she was doing.

She had that scandal with the Chinese eyes.


Mow, Miley has gone from that little innocent angel, to a full-fledged teenage pop-star whore! Here is here latest video. It's pretty intense for a 17-year old.



Now do you believe me?


There you have it. The evolution of angel-Miley to Satan-Miley. Hey, it happens to the best of us.

P.S. I actually REALLY like her new song. And I really like Party in the U.S.A. Um...I...um...actually...really enjoy Miley Cyrus. It's kinda sad that she's already starting to take that first initial step in to SlutDom...but her music is great!

The Evolution of Miley

Coming Soon.

The Time Traveler's Wife and a Dead Clarise

The other day, my best friend Clarise and I decided to sit down and watch a nice movie. She had just been delivered "The Time Traveler's Wife" from Netflix.

Within the first five minutes, I could tell that this movie was going to be very hard to watch. The horrible acting, bad lighting, and inexcusable plot line left my head reeling.

After the movie ended, I had a brilliant idea! What if I shed all my clothes to time travel? It sounded like something no one had ever done before (except in the movie). I took off my clothes and started to time travel.
I first went to the day of my birth. I saw my mom in the hospital, pushing with all her might, and out popped myself! I was the gayest baby you've ever seen! How did my parents NOT know about me?
Then, I time traveled again, this time to the future. What I saw there, shocked me.

What? I couldn't believe it! I won an Oscar for making a sixquel to the worst movie ever made??! I was furious. So, I decided to go BACK in time to the night we watched that piece of crap movie. I was going to stop us from watching it.

What happened next...is all a blur.

What's the moral to this 100% true story? Do not watch this movie. If you do, your entire life will be altered. I know I can't force you to not watch it. So, go ahead. Watch this horrible excuse for a movie.

But don't say I didn't warn you.

For Clarise

1989-2010

What is Up?

I don't know about you, but I've noticed a great decline of blog postings in the MOHO community lately. I have subscribed to lots of blogs, but only a very small handful seem to actually post things on a regular basis. Traffic on my blog has gone considerably down, and the number of comments on others' blogs and my own has retracted as well.

Does anyone know what could be causing this strange abandonment of the MOHO blogosphere? Perhaps, all those who I follow, and all those who comment on my blog, have somehow found their true loves and spend all their time doing much more productive things with them rather than posting on their blog.

The perfectionist and people pleaser in me wants to shout, "It was me! Something that I said or did is making gay Mormon bloggers stop posting." Alas, I know I'm not that popular, so that's not the reason :)

I just hope everyone is doing okay. Maybe the lack of Spring has riddled everyone with a fear of an endless Winter that they cannot move their fingers fast enough to type for they are frozen.

Does anyone have any ideas as to what is going on?

P.S. It could be my insanely strange MS Paint art that I keep posting...hmmm...