My Mission--Part 8--Coming Out

Many of you may find the idea of coming out on the mission an interesting one. To me, however, it was necessary.

The first elder I told was a companion who grew very close to me in only one transfer. We were both going through a tough time--we hadn't seen any success in the field, our area religiously staunch, and we were both experiencing feelings of guilt and shame for not producing any fruits in what seemed a barren wasteland.

We had recently moved into a members home (they had moved back to Brazil). Since they were traveling by plane, they left their TV, DVD collection, CD collection and more. Me and my companion, as frustrated as we were with the unsuccessful area, turned to modern technology to alleviate us from our pain.

We would tract the majority of the day to slammed doors and spit on our backs, to come home to a world and people we were familiar with: Harry Potter, Jack Sparrow and Frodo awaited us on the television.

Through this time of rest and relaxation, I got to know this elder very well. Our thoughts were on ourselves and working the best we could in our circumstances. We talked about home, life, future jobs and goals. I learned who this elder was as a person and not as a missionary. We became close friends in such a short period of time.

One night, we were lying awake in our room, talking about something insignificant. The burden of homosexuality weighed heavily on my shoulders. I needed to tell someone who would understand and not judge me. Who better than a new friend who may have known me better than myself?

"Elder?" I asked. "Are you asleep yet?"

He yawned. "Not yet. "

"Um, I've been meaning to tell you something."

"What's up?"

"Ummm....it's kind of hard to put into words."

He laughed. "Do you want to sing it, then?"

Chuckling, I responded. "No. It's just...I'm afraid of what you'll think about me. I'd rather you guess than I tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"Ahh, that's your job," I said. "Guess."

He sighed. "Alright." He thought for a moment. "You're pregnant!"

"Come on, be serious."

"Okay, okay," he thought again. "Are you..."

"Yes?" My heart was beating against the walls of my chest. I thought it might explode.

He cleared his throat. "Are you...gay?"

"Wow. On the second try? You're good."

He laughed, "Thanks."

"So, you're not surprised?"

He sat up in bed. "Are you serious? Hmmm...let me think: no! You don't have a girlfriend, you do theatre, you like to sing, you hate sports, you love 'chick-flicks', and you're too nice. I just put two and two together. It was pretty easy, actually."

"Seriously?!" I cried. "How long have you...'known'?"

"Meh," he said, "it was kind of obvious when you told me you've never even liked a girl to even try to kiss her."

"Oh, yeah!" I exclaimed, remembering when I told him that. "You're right!"

"Of course I am. "

"So, you don't think I'm...weird or anything?"

"Why would I think that? You're still Elder Artaxerxes, right? Why would this change anything?"

That simple statement floored me. Why would this change anything? He was right. I was still the same kind, caring and loving person. Just because I was attracted to men didn't make me less of a person.

"Elder," I said. "Thank you. That really means a lot to me."

"Don't sweat it. Just don't...start perving on me or anything."

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that."

"What?!" He cried. "Am I not attractive? Am I...too fugly for you?!" He then commenced to throw himself on his bed and pretend to sob.

"Knock it off, you dork. You're just not my type."

He stopped immediately. "Oh, that's cool. Then, what is your type?"

I laughed. "We're not discussing this."

"Oh, come on!"

"Nope. Not gonna."

"Elder Artaxerxes!"

"My lips are sealed."

"Fine," he said. "Then I hate you forever."

"Good."

He laughed.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"You thought that I didn't know about you."

"Shut up."

Laying there in the darkness, I felt a weight being slowly lifted off of my shoulders. The experience was so easy, so care-free, and so...liberating.

As my thoughts started to die down, I took a deep breath and thanked the good Lord for my companion and the experiences we were sharing together. It was just what I needed.

Right before I fell asleep, I turned again to my companion and said, "Good night."

He jokingly replied.

"Good night...faggot."

I started laughing uncontrollably.

We didn't fall asleep until 3:30 that morning.

~End of Part 8

The next post will continue my coming out process in the mission field--to other companions, members, and my mission president. Stay tuned.