My Mission--Part 12--Telling the President

After that memorable bus ride, I had made up my mind that I would tell my mission president as soon as I can.

Like stated previously, my district leader had suggested that I talk to my mission president about the rough time with Elder Van Ackerman when he came down for the District Conference. Since we had the training on a Friday, my mission president was coming down the next day and Sunday.

On Saturday, I wrote the following in my journal:

"Tomorrow, I have an interview with presidente terry about my struggles. I do not know what the outcome should be. I have not been very open with him, but I feel as if he needs to know. In the pamphlet [God Loveth His Children] it said that we need to confide in our ecclesiastical leaders. I have not been doing that. I am afraid that I will get sent home. But, if I get sent home, it will be the will of the Lord, for president terry is His chosen leader here in the mission. I personally feel as if I shall not be sent home, but it is possible. I just don't think so because even though a member struggles with SSA, he or she can still serve in the church and receive callings.

I am, every day, getting to a new point in my life. I am learning how to accept who I am and accept the will of the Lord."

After the district conference, I had to wait a while before the members had all spoken with President Terry. By the time he had finished with all of them, he was tired and ready to head back to his home in the capitol--5 hours away.

I entered into the small room in the chapel where he was holding "interviews".

"Elder Artaxerxes," he said calmly. "How are you?"

By this time, I was a 21 year old missionary--seasoned and honest. I knew I shouldn't beat around the bush with something like this.

So, I took a deep breath. I quickly told him the horrible--yet satisfying--transfer I had with Elder Van Ackerman. I then paused for one moment and then said,

"I also struggle with same-gender attraction."

His face went blank and his eyes went wide. Then, a warm spirit pervaded the room. A sort of "sad" smile crossed his face.

"Elder Artaxerxes," he said. "Thank you for telling me. I know how hard this must have been for you to come to me to divulge information such as this. I am sorry that you have to deal with this while serving a mission. However, I know that through the Atonement of Christ, you can continue on with your Earthly journey and be accepted by God and by others."

I wanted to shout, "WHAT?! Really? That's it?"

Instead, I calmly said, "Thanks, Presidente Terry. I needed that."

It was true. I did need to hear what he said. God was accepting of me? What? And others? Did he somehow know that I had told other elders? I mean, wow. This was not the reaction I was expecting.

I left the interview feeling elated. I was on Cloud 9. I was so happy to be told that God loved me. I was glad to hear that I wasn't broken, diseased, or wrong. Most importantly, I was ecstatic that I wasn't being sent home!

The next transfer, I was moved from Faro to Lisbon and ended my mission there.

One of my last journal entries beautifully tied together all the emotions that I was feeling.

"It is so strange, realizing that it is all over. For the past 2 years the mission has been the only thing on my mind. I have eaten, slept, and drunk the gospel for 2 years. And now, it's over and I actually have to start living my life...I am excited and ready to go home. I thought that I would be sadder to leave, but I am not. True, I will miss Portugal and the people I have met here, but I believe that God has prepared me to go back home. I feel the same way I did when I left for the mission: excited and ready to start a new phase of life."

~ End of Series