My Mission--Part 10--A Change of Heart?

Okay, I lied. This whole mission series is going to be a few more posts than 10. Sorry.

I never wanted to wake up any more. I wanted to sleep all day. I didn't want to fight anymore.

Our fights started when we woke up in the morning and until we went to bed at night.

They would range from me leaving soap in the sink after washing the dishes, to me listening to the "Pirates of the Caribbean" soundtrack, to me not washing my hands after leaving the restroom, to me not repeating word for word my phone conversations. Basically, this elder was a control freak and wanted me to do everything his way. It was like living in Hell.

One day, it all accumulated into the worst fight we'd ever had.

We were calmly discussing what we could do to stop fighting. We had tried fasting, we had tried doing divisions, we had tried eating better, we tried everything...but, nothing was working.

I then had an idea.

I took a breath. "When I first heard that I was going to serve with you, I was so excited. I had heard nothing of good things. I thought you were going to be my best friend." I paused. "What did you hear about me?"

He hesitated.

"Elder."

"Well," he started to say. "I just heard...bad things. Honestly, Elder Artaxerxes, when I heard that you were going to be my companion, I never prayed so hard in my life. Out of all the elders in the mission, you were the one who I didn't want to serve with."

How ironic, I thought. He was the one who I wanted to serve with the most, and I was the one he didn't want to serve with.

"Well, it seems to me as if you had a bad attitude from the start."

He stopped me. "Elder Artaxerxes. I never wanted to serve with you because of the things that I heard."

"What did you hear?"

"I don't want to say." He paused.

I sat silently, waiting for him to answer.

"I just knew that I didn't want to serve with you, and so far, my assumptions have been correct. For that, I don't love you as a companion. I could never love you. Ever."

I was stunned. I had never been told that someone couldn't even love me with...simple, Christlike love. In that moment, I gave up. I stopped trying. I stopped trying to love him. I stopped trying to serve with him. It was over. I was done. I was through.

That night, I called my district leader and told him what was going on. He expressed love to me and encouraged me to talk with Presidente Terry when he would be down in our zone the next Sunday for a District Conference.

Over the course of the following days, I didn't speak with my companion voluntarily. We stayed in the house or the chapel most days as we were too offensive with each other to even go out and knock a single door.

One morning, after personal study time, Elder Van Ackerman pulled up his chair next to mine.

Oh, great. I thought. What now?

He handed me a folded up slip of paper. I opened it. It simply said, I'm sorry for hurting you. With love, Elder Van Ackerman.

I turned to him. He had tears in his eyes.

I struggled to speak.

He continued. "I'm so sorry. You've been so...good to me..and I was blind to it. I...just...wanted to say sorry. Please forgive me."

"Elder Van Ackerman," I stated simply. "When you told me that you could never love me, that hurt. It tore me up inside. For me, if someone tells me...especially a guy...that they don't love me...well, that really hurt."

He choked back a sob. "Why?"

This was it, I told myself. Here we go again. By now, I had become very comfortable with my sexuality. I had told some more elders on my mission and they were all okay with.

"Well, to put it bluntly, I experience same-gender attraction, and...I really need some good, solid healthy 'man-love' in my life."

He stopped. I was nervous for his reaction.

"Oh," he said in between sniffles. "Is that all?"

I sighed. "Yup."

He wheeled his chair over and wrapped his arms around me. "You're a good man, Elder Artaxerxes."

I struggled not to cry. What the hellsies was happening? Was the demon that possessed him on a coffee break or something?

He broke the hug and went back to his studying.

What had caused this mighty change of heart? I struggled to find out the answer--but couldn't.

I slowly started to gain respect for this elder again.

The next week, however, would bring a new conflict that would strengthen my testimony and solidify and repair our broken companionship forever.