When I got home, he was one of the first people I got into contact with. He was my age, tall and had blonde hair. I shot him a quick email to let him know that I got home safely. Over that short week, we talked a little and chatted online some more. We eventually decided to go on a date when I got into Utah.
Since I was only home for one short week, I didn't unpack. We threw everything into the van and headed to Provo, UT.
It was a 12 hour trip. Just my mother and I.
I talked mainly about the mission: the joys, the heartache, the hardships, etc. I vaguely remember talking about homosexuality and where I stood. I did not tell my mother that I was planning on meeting up with Nate when we arrived at my Aunt's house.
When we finally got into town, I immediately ran to my cousin's computer to see if he had responded to my last email. I opened up my Hotmail account. Yes! He had written back!
"ANDY! Ok, i think I'm going to be in Provo tonight, if you want to hang out call my cell at 801.xxx.xxx after 7:30. I'll send this to you on facebook too, anyway.... yeah, call me if you can hang out. Or maybe we can hang out tomorrow if tonight doesn't work out."
I nearly peed. I was going to "hang out" with Nate! And...everyone knows that "hanging out" is the equivalent of going on a date.
I wrote back.
"Yeah, we can probably do something tonight. I don't know what we would do. There's not much to do on a Sunday. I am going to have some more family over here. How long are you staying up here?"
He responded.
"Up here? erm, I'm going to be going to spanish fork to check on my mom's cats in a couple. how about this afternoon? I can do anything from now until around 10ish. we can make some cookies or something at my house. anywyay. give me a call when you can get away."
I was free that night. I gave him a quick call and he picked me up at my Aunt's house. It was the first time we had ever met in real life. As I walked to his car, my heart was pounding. I had always been attracted to him--even it was online. But, I was an awkward returned missionary. How could he ever find me attractive?
I opened the car door, and sat down. I turned to look at Nate.
"Welcome home, Elder Artaxerxes."
I laughed. "Thanks."
He reached over and gave me a quick hug.
"So," he said. "What do you want to do?"
Since I was only home for one short week, I didn't unpack. We threw everything into the van and headed to Provo, UT.
It was a 12 hour trip. Just my mother and I.
I talked mainly about the mission: the joys, the heartache, the hardships, etc. I vaguely remember talking about homosexuality and where I stood. I did not tell my mother that I was planning on meeting up with Nate when we arrived at my Aunt's house.
When we finally got into town, I immediately ran to my cousin's computer to see if he had responded to my last email. I opened up my Hotmail account. Yes! He had written back!
"ANDY! Ok, i think I'm going to be in Provo tonight, if you want to hang out call my cell at 801.xxx.xxx after 7:30. I'll send this to you on facebook too, anyway.... yeah, call me if you can hang out. Or maybe we can hang out tomorrow if tonight doesn't work out."
I nearly peed. I was going to "hang out" with Nate! And...everyone knows that "hanging out" is the equivalent of going on a date.
I wrote back.
"Yeah, we can probably do something tonight. I don't know what we would do. There's not much to do on a Sunday. I am going to have some more family over here. How long are you staying up here?"
He responded.
"Up here? erm, I'm going to be going to spanish fork to check on my mom's cats in a couple. how about this afternoon? I can do anything from now until around 10ish. we can make some cookies or something at my house. anywyay. give me a call when you can get away."
I was free that night. I gave him a quick call and he picked me up at my Aunt's house. It was the first time we had ever met in real life. As I walked to his car, my heart was pounding. I had always been attracted to him--even it was online. But, I was an awkward returned missionary. How could he ever find me attractive?
I opened the car door, and sat down. I turned to look at Nate.
"Welcome home, Elder Artaxerxes."
I laughed. "Thanks."
He reached over and gave me a quick hug.
"So," he said. "What do you want to do?"
He, with his blonde hair and blue eyes, looked back. He smiled.
I was so nervous that I couldn't really speak.
He chuckled a bit. "How about we just go for a drive?"
"Yeah," I said without paying attention, "...a drive sounds...nice."
He started the car and we went for a drive.
Honestly, I cannot remember a single thing that we talked about. Internally, I was waging a huge battle between all the thoughts of still "being a missionary" and what my body and mind were wanting, and what the church wanted, and what my parents would think, and if someone found out I went on a date with a guy, and--
"Yeah," I said without paying attention, "...a drive sounds...nice."
He started the car and we went for a drive.
Honestly, I cannot remember a single thing that we talked about. Internally, I was waging a huge battle between all the thoughts of still "being a missionary" and what my body and mind were wanting, and what the church wanted, and what my parents would think, and if someone found out I went on a date with a guy, and--
"Andy?" Nate asked, pulling me out of the battlefield. "Are you okay?"
I had to be honest. "I...just...don't know what I want right now."
He smiled a small smile. "Well, you did just get off the mission, didn't you?"
"Yeah," I replied.
He sighed. "Well. I don't want to make any of this harder than it needs to be. I'll take you back."
He turned around. I took a deep breath. I didn't know what to do. At every street corner we passed, the light cast a wonderful glow on his hair. He was just...great. But, I knew that my parents would be very disappointed in me if they knew I was on a date with another guy.
When we reached my Aunt's house, I simply said, "Thanks for the drive. It was great to finally get to meet you."
I could tell he was a little disappointed.
"Yeah, it was..."
I shut the door.
I thought that that experience with Nate was going to be last one with him. But, I was wrong. I saw him again the next week, and learned much more about myself and the secret underground gay Provo scene.
He turned around. I took a deep breath. I didn't know what to do. At every street corner we passed, the light cast a wonderful glow on his hair. He was just...great. But, I knew that my parents would be very disappointed in me if they knew I was on a date with another guy.
When we reached my Aunt's house, I simply said, "Thanks for the drive. It was great to finally get to meet you."
I could tell he was a little disappointed.
"Yeah, it was..."
I shut the door.
I thought that that experience with Nate was going to be last one with him. But, I was wrong. I saw him again the next week, and learned much more about myself and the secret underground gay Provo scene.
0 comments:
Post a Comment