I'll be posting more of my series later on this week. I'm with my family right now...and oh boy, is that fun.
There are two things that make me hate going home for Christmas with my family.
(1) My mother is in an eternal power struggle with my little sister. My mom tries to be the queen of the household, and my little sister tries to be the queen of the household and their personalities clash constantly. For me, its sad and breaks my heart. But, I know that as my little sister gets older (she's almost 18) and as my mother grows older and their relationship pulls apart that it will get more "normal". But, what is normal anyway?
(2) My parents, more importantly my mother, loves her grandchild. My older sister has a daughter with another child on the way. My mom makes things for my niece, spends times with her, etc.
I may never get to please my parents with grandchildren. If I stay single, I won't have any kids. If I get a partner and we adopt, I know my mom wouldn't want me over at the house, so...it's just kind of depressing.
Furthermore, I watched as my parents looked lovingly at my older sister and her husband cuddle on the couch with their daughter. I know I can never have that. It won't happen. Maybe...if I were to get a partner, that in 20 years, when my parents are on their deathbeds that they would come around to the idea. I just know that I wouldn't be accepted in my parents home. I know, because I've asked them and that's what they've told me.
Meh...anyway...I don't want to sound depressed on such a joyous day! I just want to me able to find my own happiness.
You just can't sell your Mom or anyone quite that short. The beauty of a loving child/baby, even if adopted by two men---can overcome all sorts of obstacles. You might ask why I say something like that...
ReplyDeleteI come from an all white protestant family back in Iowa. Some of them were pretty bigoted. Rumor has it that one of my great-grandfathers was in the KKK. When I was 4, my parents adopted my sister from Korea. So--Asian child with big beautiful eyes meets all white family. My paternal grandparents could never get enough. She was the instant favorite, and remains in that position. The love, the connection was instant. Child overcomes the bigotry. The beauty and love within a child is a powerful thing. Maybe the situation isn't exactly the same... but don't think for a minute its impossible.
@Joe,
ReplyDeleteYou're right. I just think that it would be extremely hard until that point.
Gosh. Why can't life be a walk in the park? :)
I'm guessing your parents told you that to try to discourage you from doing something they don't want you to do. Hopefully when that day comes, they will feel differently.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Joe. The bonds your family have with you are strong. Those same bonds will shift to the people you love too. My mom told me she wanted to blame Aaron (my partner) for everything. She continued to say that she couldn't, he is too nice. He's in the process of becoming another member of the family.
ReplyDelete@ Becky, I hope that they will feel differently one day, too. Thanks for your encouraging words.
ReplyDelete@ BigRedHammer, I'm pretty sure that I have met Aaron before, but I feel as if I need to meet the two of you again. You guys are both so nice. Are you ever planning on adoption?
Just stumbled onto your blog. I know how hard it is to realize that the life you want will never be approved by your parents. However, I also want to echo what has been said above, that your parents may surprise even themselves with how compassionately they might react down the road.
ReplyDeleteOne good friend of mine taught me that there is a difference between approval and acceptance. It is a painful difference (to feel that your loved ones do not approve), but I find that even without approval, acceptance still means a lot to me!
Good luck, and I wish you love and hope!!
@Simplysarah,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your very kind words. I appreciate them.
I have hope, like you do, that my parents will approve and accept me. I do not now what choices I will make in the future, but I hope that I will make a choice that will help them see that there are different roads to happiness.
Again, thanks.