Every year, some of my old missionary buddies always ask me if I am going to our mission reunion--we have one every Friday before General Conference. I usually make up some excuse.
Honestly, one of the main reasons why I don't go is because I'm not married. I would feel like an outcast. Being 24 years old and not married in the LDS world makes you different. Most people start trying to figure out why you're not married and start asking questions. I bet most people in my mission know about me (I told some of my companions), so, I don't think that they'd be too shocked, but I do think that people might wonder when I get there alone.
Now, I know most of you who read my blog have experienced this before.
How do you deal with the whole "not married" thing in the Church? What do you say when people ask you why you haven't settled down yet?
Well, you can always silence them by telling them the truth, watching their mouths drop open and then launching into a tirade. Just kidding.
ReplyDeleteOr, try the line I always used (until I got married at 27): I just haven't found the right person yet. Funny thing is, I just never knew how true it was. So, from friends and people I've worked with, I've learned that within the church, this mad standard isn't all that prevalent once you escape the Wasatch Front. So Andy, whats your escape the Wasatch front plan?
Tell them it's not their business.
ReplyDeleteOk ok, Tim and Joe got me thinking, so here are ten additional replies to the question "When are you getting married, Andy?"
ReplyDelete1. That's a question I get all the time. When you were single did you ever get that question? What did you say?
2. I'd like to tell you that I'm going to get married real soon, but the truth is I'm probably going to need to move to Iowa or Massachusetts first.
3. Do you mean when am I going to get married again? The first one didn't work out and I'm going to take a couple of years to regroup and finish therapy.
4. I could get married soon I suppose. But I'd like to get married in the Temple and that's going to take some time in my case, if you know what I mean.
5. I think it's not so much a question of when I'll get married but who I will marry. Right now I'm still searching for that special someone. (Stolen from Joe, thanks Joe!)
6. When am I going to get married? When are you going to learn that's just not the right question to ask gay members of the church?
7. When pigs fly or when gay marriage is legal in Utah, whichever comes first.
8. I thought I'd take it slow. First, I'm going to continue to develop my gay Mormon friendships. Then when I find a gay Mormon guy I like who also likes me, I'm going to try some gay Mormon dating. But as for marrying my eternal gay companion especially while gay marriage is against the law in Utah, and frowned on by the church, I think I'll hold off for a while. Interesting that you brought it up though, why did you ask?
9. That's a good question and it deserves a good answer, but I'll just cut to the chase for you. Here are the three words that will explain it quickly. First word: "I".
Second word, "am". Third work, "gay." Put them together and what do you get, "I am gay." Make sense? Any more questions?
10. I'm just waiting for three things: First, a change in state law so that gay people can get married in Utah. Second, a revelation from our leaders so that gay Mormons can get married without loosing their membership. And third, the Gay Mormon man of my dreams. Once those three things are in place, I'd say my marriage is just around the corner.
Go with Ned's #9. I'm totally serious. Test their ability to walk the Church's talk that being gay is okay (acting on it's not their business either and nobody will ask you about that I'm sure).
ReplyDeleteOr if you don't like that one, say this: "I'll forgive you for asking such a personal question if you'll forgive me for not answering."
Or in my case of having friends in their late 20's/early 30's, everyone is pregnant, and I'm not. People ask when we're going to have another child. I'm pretty sure people wouldn't want me to delve into the details of what it's like being in a mixed orientation marriage. I never know what to say.
ReplyDeleteI used to tell people that I wanted a family, but that I was in no rush to get there. I still use that line with particularly nosy people who I know are just out to spread gossip, but really I'm trying to be more and more honest with people. The best way to create change is to let those who know us share our experiences.
ReplyDelete