For example, ever since I decided to tell you guys and gals that I wanted to find a girl and start a family, live for me has turned even more crazy. I don't know if it's Satan trying to bring me down, or if it's myself bringing me down, but...every time I think about being in a marriage with a girl, I don't feel "sick"...but I don't feel right.
Why is that? Is it because God doesn't exist and homosexuality exists in nature and so, it's just the way that I am and my body is telling me that it wouldn't work?
It is because Satan knows how good of a father I would be to my children that he is trying to destroy my future family?
Is it because God is telling me that I shouldn't even be worrying about a family right now?
I have no idea.
I recently turned 24 years old. I had my birthday last Saturday. By Mormon standards, I should be married and have 20 children by now. By the worlds standards, I should be at least dating a girl pretty steadily, and when I'm about 26 or 27, I could be married.
Why do I think that getting married is the "right" thing to do? What if, for me, it's not? The gospel is not the "same" for everyone. Some people will not get married in this life. But, why then, does my Patriarchal Blessing tell me that I will have a family in this life? Does that mean that the blessing is wrong?
Meh. I just have a lot of questions. I am sort-of-dating this girl named Briana. She's super funny and I like to spend time with her. Girls are confusing. But, when I think of marrying her...it just doesn't make me happy now. If I'm not happy with the thought of marriage with a girl right now, then...I wouldn't be happy with her later.
Furthermore, when I think of spending the rest of my life with a man, I am happy.
So many thoughts. So many ideas. So many voices.
D&C 9:9 But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong;
ReplyDeleteIt's only my interpretation... but you're feeling it's not "right" could be the Holy Ghost telling you that. Satan may want you to attribute it to him so you'd make the wrong choice. But that's just how I see it.
Anything can be justified as caused by anything...so my answer is yes, no, and maybe so.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you're meant to have a family with another boy, not a girl.
ReplyDeleteThe validity of patriarchal blessings is always predicated upon faithfulness.
ReplyDeletePray. Read your scriptures. Go to the temple. Listen closely to the commandments and the promises.
Hugs!
I know several guys who are absolutely confident that they have received personal revelation (in the temple, in at least three or four cases) that they are to find a husband. The spiritual witness they've received is as strong and meaningful as any witness that has contributed to their testimony of the church or gospel.
ReplyDeleteSome of these same people have been told in their patriarchal blessings that they would be married to a woman.
How do we resolve the conflict between individual personal revelation and the (presumably inspired) words of an ordained patriarch?
Here's my take on it:
A patriarch has been authorized to exercise keys pertaining to his office in the priesthood, including the right to receive revelation for those to whom he is giving blessings.
In the same way, when I was an elders' quorum president I was authorized to exercise keys pertaining to that calling, including the right to receive revelation for my quorum.
In several instances I believe I was inspired, and the "fruits" of some of the decisions I made lend credence to the assertion that they were, in fact, inspired.
But I never felt like the Spirit was saying (in words) "do this". Rather, I received impressions which I then had to interpret, using my own experience and my knowledge of quorum members.
I think that "revelation" always comes this way, with very few exceptions. (You'll note that "Official Declaration 2" concerning blacks and the priesthood is not worded as if it came directly from God, but is instead in President Kimball's own words, giving his interpretation of the "inspiration" that he received).
A patriarch isn't just a transcription machine, dictating the exact words that God puts in his head. The inspiration that he is entitled to by virtue of the keys he holds will come as impressions and thoughts, and it's up to him to put those in words as he pronounces the blessing. He will almost certainly be influenced by his own experiences and knowledge and beliefs as he does so.
So when a patriarch receives an impression of "marriage" or "family", he's going to put it in terms that he understands: "You will marry a daughter of God and you will welcome children into your family".
But these words could simply be an interpretation of what is, in reality, a direction from God that the recipient of the blessing should find a loving husband, and that the two of them should try to provide a loving home for children that may come to them through adoption or surrogacy.
I'm not saying that this is the case for you--only you can decide what God wants for you. But this understanding of how revelation works resolves any apparent conflict for those who are convinced that God wants them to find love and happiness in the manner that is most natural to them.
I have had female friends that were members of the church as well as those that were not who married men that were confused like you about their sexual preferences. Pressure to conform to church or family or social demands caused these men to think that marriage would somehow make them straight, plus they also had the very normal desire for a family of their own.
ReplyDeletePlease don't make this mistake. More lives then yours will be effected. One of my friends had just delivered their 4th son when her husband came out to her...while she was still on the delivery table! I can't begin to describe her pain. They all suffered terribly.
Don't be afraid to be who you truly are. Happiness in this life is hard to come by and if you are not being your authentic self there is no possibility of you ever being happy. Love is precious and if you find it you are fortunate, regardless of what any religion or close minded person may think. Free yourself and live your life and do it without causing pain to someone else. Allowing a woman to commit her life to building a family with you without telling her of the possibility that you may leave once you no longer can deny who you are would be cruel and selfish.