Yesterday, I had a 3 hour conversation with my mother. It started when I tried to find out why, when I always began to lose weight and get healthy, I would fall back and turn to food. After talking for a while, I came to this conclusion:
I want to lose weight to be attractive and get a boyfriend (who doesn't), but if I get a boyfriend, my parents and other's will stop loving me, and then I subconsciously return to food because I know that if I overeat, it will be harder for me to get that boyfriend...at least that's what I think.
Here's my logic:
(1) I noticed I was different when I was about 12 years old. When the other boys were attracted boobs, I was attracted to boys.
(2) In order to deal with the hardship, I turned to food, because that was the only thing that gave me comfort. I was too afraid to go to my parents, because I thought that if they found out, they would hate me.
(3) I gained weight.
(4) As I tried to accept who I was, I began to loose weight. But then, when I came out to my parents, the weight came back on.
Now, I don't know if this is true, but it may be. Any suggestions on this one?
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
Then, I talked with my mom and she doesn't want my younger siblings to know about me until she deems that they are ready. I do have to respect that. That is not what offended me. I then asked her if, 10 years down the road, I came home with my partner, when all the kids were grown, if she would be okay with it. She basically said no.
I then tried to explain to her that that is the reason why so many gay people have bad relationships with their parents. Their parents say that they love them, and they do, but they will never really fully accept them.
However, I called my older sister, Erin, and talked with her about it. I asked her, "What if next year, I had a boyfriend and we decided to come down and visit you. Would that be okay?"
"Andy, it would be weird at first, but I would be totally okay with that. You are my brother, and I love you and whoever you choose to love just the same."
The conversation between my mother and I lasted three hours. The one with my sister lasted 10 minutes. I love our generation. I believe that we are so much more Christlike and truly accepting of other people based on their actions, and not who they love, or the color of their skin.
Erin, if you ever find my blog, I love you. I love you too, mom. I just hope you can get to the spot Erin is at.
"I love our generation. I believe that we are so much more Christlike and truly accepting of other people based on their actions, and not who they love, or the color of their skin. "
ReplyDeleteWe were foreordained for this time for a reason. :)
I'm glad that you are being more excepting to your mother's point of view...because that is Christlike of you.
ReplyDeleteI can understand her not wanting "sin" happening under her roof but yeah, at the same time, I think she needs to realize what you are going through.
I love you Andy and you can bring your partner whenever you want...until I have children! :) Just kidding...maybe...not. just kidding. But seriously, don't. hahaha No, it's cool....NOT!!! But yeah, do it. *shakes head* What was I talking about?
Gosh, Katrina! You are so...weird. Now, I am internally conflicted with bringing my boyfriend over to have sexxles on your bed! Just...don't have children. I mean, do. No, because if you did...then, no sexxles for me with my partner on your bed...but yes...so you can be...what?
ReplyDeleteMy mom and dad both said the same thing when I first came out. But about a year later they started to change their thoughts and views on it and allowed me to bring home a boy. I love you bro. Best wishes.
ReplyDelete@ Katrina & Andy - you guys are weird. And I like the word sexxles. And I love you both.
ReplyDeleteAndy, I agree with you about our generation. My grandma is still vehemently against interracial marriage, and I'd hate to hear what she thinks about homosexuality.
I'm not like, "You need to go find a boyfriend," but if you ever do, you will both be welcome in my home. Even around my kiddles. I knew a couple in our married student ward in Utah who chose not to move to California because "they didn't want their children growing up around all the gay people." I thought that was utterly the stupidest thing I'd ever heard.
I've been thinking about this the past few days. My mom raised me to think that people who had tattoos were bad people. It wasn't until I was in high school that I began to understand that people with tattoos are still wonderful people who have simply made different decisions than I have.
I want my children to understand that people of all walks of life are good, wonderful people who were born into different situations than ours and have made different decisions than us. But they are still good people.
And, as a mother, I understand your mom's perspective. I'm not saying I agree with it, but I understand it. As a mother, you just want the very best for your children, and you try so very hard to teach them the difference between right and wrong. When your kids make decisions you don't agree with, it can be hard to accept. You still love them of course, but you can't help wondering what you did wrong.
Obviously I don't know your relationship with your mom, and I have never had kids in that position (yet) but I can imagine that might be how she is feeling.
I think the odds are fairly good that in time your Mom will come around. I haven't straight up asked my parents if I could bring home a boyfriend. I'm sure at the very least they would admit to being uncomfortable with it.
ReplyDeleteThat said, they know I am dating, and they know my values and goals - I want a family - so they know that eventually I will want to bring someone home. I'm not going to worry too much about crossing that bridge until I get to it.
Andy, I found your blog...I dont know if you will even see this since its an older post. I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone there are so many other people from JC that just arent as brave as you. I watched you play at our house with Holly often and I knew and I never felt any different about you. I hope one day your mom will be able to accept you completely. As a mom now myself its easy to love your child but not so easy to love what they do. You will see that one day yourself though :) I am so glad you have Erin too, I hope one day everyone can think that way it would be so nice if people could just be people and race, sex, and orientation didnt make a difference. keep expressing yourself here it gives people hope and a purpose.
ReplyDeletelove - Amy (holly's older sista)