"Lonely is so lonely alone"
-MIKA
The other day I was with some friends and they were driving me home back to my house. On the way, two of my friends decided to get into a debate about relationships, commitment and marriage. The girl was afraid of failure and that is why she didn't want to commit. She was afraid that she her future husband would one day leave her, or cheat on her.
I was just listening to their banter when something the guy said struck me as deeply profound. He said, "You can't spend your whole life living in fear. If you do, you're going to end up alone. And being alone the rest of your life will lead to unhappiness, guilt, and regret. You can't be alone. It's so lonely."
I realized how true that is. I don't want to live my life alone. I can't live my life alone. I need someone to be there, by my side to support me and to love me. I need a man to sleep next to me. Funny story-I saw the film, "Paranormal Activity" and it scared the crap out of me. Since then, I have had to sleep with a night light on. However, when one of my gay friends needed a place to stay, he shared my bed. I felt so protected and comforted. I need someone in my life so I can save on my electric bill.
Electric bills aside, I want to pretend that I am sick at work so I can come home and surprise him with an extravagant meal. I want to spend a Saturday hiking in the mountains. I want to take an impromptu vacation to our backyard. I want to spend the night watching old horror movies and laughing at the their complete absurdity. I want him to look into my eyes while we don't say a word to each other.
To be alone is death. I choose life.
I agree wholeheartedly. My Aaron really completes me. I think of him all the time and how I can make life better for him.
ReplyDeleteBut Andy, you my friend are a *hopeless* romantic.
I forget where it comes from, but a quote comes to mind:
ReplyDelete"A life lived in fear is a life half-lived."
A quick google says it's from the great movie Strictly Ballroom. (One of my ex's faves).
I agree with Big Red Hammer completely...like all of it. My Aaron completes me. I hope you can find some one Andy who will make you happy and not afraid of the dark. You are a hopeless romantic.
ReplyDeleteAndy, nothing is wrong with a hopeless romantic. I know I am one too. In fact I am more of a hopeful one. I have hope that I will find someone and never again be alone.
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