Happy Halloween!

My friend and I decided to be Ritzy Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf for Halloween this year. Don't we look frackin' amazing?

My...first...um...date?

Yes, you all read that correctly. I have a date. Not this week, maybe not next week (I am so busy, even for a date), but for sure the week after that. I am all tingly inside, warm, bubbly, scared, nervous, want to vomit every time I think about it, and smiley all day.

His name is Mark. We met...ugh...online through Connexion. However, Mark is not the type of guy who just wants to get in my pants or I in his pants. We have discussed this many times over chat, text and phone. Oh, oh, Mark does not hook up. (Yay for Kelly!) He seems like such a great guy. He still goes to church, wears his garments, is one year older than me, has graduated from BYU and is overall a very highly moral man, which to me is very attractive. He doesn't watch porn, doesn't swear, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't go clubbing, he loathes the stereotypical gay subculture....all in all, he's a normal gay man! Like me! Normal gay people do exist!

So, we are planning to go on a date sometime at this organic restaurant in Springville. I am excited, but nervous. Here's the clincher for me: Mark says that looks really don't matter to him; it's all about who you are. For me, (maybe I am just a shallow idiot) I find that hard to believe. I don't know, I just feel when we finally meet, he will see me, and the little extra weight I carry and...we will still go on our date and have fun...but that might be the end of it. Am I thinking too much here?

How can I feel better about my body image? Seriously, though, if Mark honestly did not care what I looked like, I would be so much more confident. I hope so.

Any advice to prepare me for this momentous occasion in my life?

P.S. Bishop L reads this blog. Um, surprise?

Bread

So, during this blustery, wintery weather, I have decided to get in touch with my feminine side. I made bread. The best homemade bread in the world (sorry, mom). I am very impressed with myself. Maybe I will have a bread baking party and invite you all over to my house.

My Newest Film

I am applying to the film program at BYU with the following documentary. Please let me know what you guys think.

A Matiside or Other MoHo Gatherings

Two weeks after getting home from serving a mission, I found myself in a car with Ty Mansfield heading toward the Matis's home for a fireside. This was the first time in my life where I was in a car with another gay man. It scared me, it thrilled me. When we pulled up to the Matis's home, my stomach did a flip. I had never seen so many men and a few woman who were gay and members of the church. I had grown up thinking that I was the only one! I had a good experience, but now, almost 2 years later...I have never returned.

I keep asking myself, why? What stops me from going to those meetings? Don't I want to find more friends who are gay and good people? I used to think the reason why I stopped going is because many gay men take the Matiside as an opportunity to find new friends and to maybe...just maybe...hook up with those friends. It happens all the time.

The reason why I write about this is because Boskers, another UTMOHO blogger seems to have great experiences there and he goes often. I feel as if I can't go. I feel as if...honesty. Let's be honest here.

I want a boyfriend. It would be cool if I found one at a Matiside. But, I feel as if I won't ever get a boyfriend because...dammit...it all comes down to my body image and self respect. I don't think I am attractive enough to get a boyfriend. I am little overweight and...because of my low self esteem, it is stopping me from making new friends and being who I am.

It feels good to be honest.

Any suggestions?

The Tippy of My Nippy

As promised, here is the well-known and beloved story of the tippy of my nippy.

Once upon a time, a fat young man went to school. It was Wednesday, PE day. Since the snow was falling gently outside, this PE day would be spent in the indoor swimming pool. Now, this fat young man was in the eighth grade. It was a wonderful time of hatred, self-loathing and pity. Because this young man was fat, he was picked on.

After he went swimming with the rest of the class (with a t-shirt on, of course) and checking out his amazingly attractive gym teacher, he left the pool with the other boys to head to the showers.

Surely, this young fat boy did not take a shower with the rest of the boys, for a few reasons. The first being, he didn't want them to make fun of his fat. The second reason, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop looking at their well defined eighth grade bodies.

As the young boy went straight to his locker he heard someone shout.
"Hey, Andy! You aren't gonna take a shower?"
"Who needs to shower? We just were in water for the last hour."
"That's gross, man."
"Whatever."
The other young boy who was yelling at him, proceeded to grab the nearest towel to him. He, in his swimtrunks, ran up to the fat young man and grabbed him and put him in a headlock.
"Do my armpits smell good, Andy?"
They did not smell good, noticed the fat boy.
"Let me go!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
The other boy released the fat one. The boy in the swimtrunks then snapped the towel at the young fat boy.
"Stop it!"
The swimming trunks boy did it again, this time, the towel snapped on the fat one's thigh.
"Ow! Stop, man!"
Again and again, this boy in the red swimming trunks snapped the towel at the fat boy. Then, it happened.

As if in slow motion, the towel snapped right at the left nipple of the fat one. Pain shot from his nipple and erupted from his mouth in a scream of pain. A thin trail of blood ran down his mountain of flab and onto the floor. Upon further investigation, the fat one noticed that the tippy of his nippy was hanging onto the rest of his...nippy...by a thread of skin.

The fat one quickly ran to the first aid kit and hurriedly placed two band-aids in the form of a cross over his tattered nippy.

The swimming trunks boy apologized and for the next week and a half, the fat one had to run away from other boys who were determined to rip the rest of it off.

The fat one is no longer fat and is glad to say that the tippy of his left nippy is fine and repaired and looks as if nothing happened at all. And the not-so-fat-one lived happily ever after.

THE END

Nipple Dilemma

Yes. Those are nipples. Male nipples. Don't be alarmed. I just have a huge dilemma!

I run three (3) miles every single day. And I want to stop. It's not the exercise that is turning me off. It's not the sweat. It's not the pain that comes from not stretching, it's the agony that comes from my dang nipples!!!

Who can help me? *sob* Please? I have no idea what to do! This is what is happening if any one is clueless: I run. My nipples rub against the cotton fabric. They hurt. They hurt like heck. They feel like they hurt so much they are bleeding.

Do I glue paper over them? I mean, what? Is there any solution to my problem?

(also, if I get good response, I will post the infamous "Tippy of the Nippy" story)

Princess Leia is my Niece

I wish I could rotate it, but I'm too lazy to fix it. But, isn't she cute!!! I love her!

More?

I don't want to be Church bashing, for I don't do that. I know that the Church, as an institution can have some faults and kinks that need to be worked out. This, I believe, is just another of those kinks.

Elder Oaks comments about Proposition 8 and the attack and hatred directed to the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I first stumbled open this article today at BYU. Elder Oaks hastily refers to Mormons as Blacks during the civil right movement of the 1960's. I would like to say that Mexicans, Blacks, Gays, and other minorities are more like the people who went through the civil rights movement in the 60's. Just because church members are exercising their right for free speech and being treated badly about it, doesn't give them the right to complain, since so many other minorities have been hurt in this process.

For example, gay people in Utah can be fired for being gay. That is wrong and unconstitutional. They need that right. I can't believe Utah still sits against this law. Has anyone even seen "MILK"?

He said members of the Church should not be deterred or coerced into silence by threats. “We must insist on our constitutional right and duty to exercise our religion, to vote our consciences on public issues, and to participate in elections and debates...” I agree 100% on this statement. If you don't like the way something is being done, then, by golly...go out and do something to change that.

I just feel as if the Church is just stirring the pot of controversy. When HBO's "Big Love" temple episode came out, the Newsroom of LDS.org sent out a statement basically saying that no one should do anything about it. And what happened? Really, no one did anything about it. So, the big CEO's of HBO didn't get their rise out of the Mormon culture as they would have liked. Maybe...just maybe...we should sit back on this one. I understand that we have the right to gather debate, but if we stop harassing minorities, maybe...they will stop harassing us.

It's just a thought.

Sean, the Israeli Con-Artist

In preparation of writing an arrangement of "Come, Come Ye Saints" (for an Osmond, mind you), I stopped by the University Mall in Provo to kill some time. As I was walking around, I remembered that I wanted to buy a piano keyboard. I headed over to Radioshack, and in the process I heard, "Excuse me, sir. Can I ask you a question?"

I turned to my left and there stood a thing of beauty. A tall, lean Israeli. I didn't walk away just because I wanted to look at him more. He introduced himself as Sean, and he then proceeded to con me into buying quite the hefty price load of Dead Sea Salt Facial Peels, Dead Sea Body Butter and Dead Sea Cleansing Salts.

We did, however, flirt por mucho tiempo. It consisted of a lot of eye contact, "hair flips", arm grazing and strange comments. It was a lot of fun.

Supposedly, I'm supposed to go back. He probably just wants to sell me more salts...or maybe something else.

Things I Hear

This will be a short post.

Sometimes, as I walk around campus, I will purposefully eavesdrop on peoples conversations they are having. Weird, I know. But it helps for great movie ideas! Here are a few things I heard today, in a period of about 30 seconds:

(1) You didn't Spiderman kiss me! You said you would, but you didn't!

(2) You see! This is where the problem lies. You were eying that Biology lab assistant the whole time!

(3) I mean, I think he likes me, but...who knows?

(4) This relationship will take a lot of faith. Kind of like when Abraham had to climb the mountain, he had no idea that a ram would be there.

Oh, yes. The joys of BYU and the naivety that runs wild.

I love it.

I Need Your Help!

A very good, very talented, very cute (there you go, Tim) Australian friend of mine wants to know if us, as white Americans, find this racist:



ALL COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED

Recession

When the recession first started, I was hopeful like many other Americans, that it would be short lived. It has been almost a year since the economic slump. Although we aren't near the end of it all, there is a faint glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel that gets brighter each month.

That said, I thought that I would not be affected by the recession. That was until I got into a car accident. My car was totaled. I then lost my job. I had no money. It took be 4 weeks to find another job, and when I did find one, it was about 2 1/2 hours away from my home. I did the commute each day, for I had no choice. Since then, I found another job only 7 minutes away from my home and on campus. It has been such a great blessing.

However, those 4 weeks when I was jobless, penniless, and hopeless were the worst weeks in my entire life. I had never known the feeling of despair and grief quite like that before. I was looking for a job every single day, and nothing was headed my way. I woke up every morning and prayed that I would find something. Nothing. Not even a call from a loving bishop. I felt alone. I felt rejected.

Now, looking back, even though it has only been a few months since that all started, I can say...(vomit) that I am grateful for that experience. It has taught me to value and appreciate what I have, however little that may be. I remember posting on a blog the jealously I felt for people who had bread to eat and milk to drink. I had nothing but Top Ramen. Seriously. Nothing but Ramen. I couldn't afford anything else.

I am grateful for the really crappy moments in my life. I grow the most during them. Even though I hate going through those experiences, I learn lessons that I wouldn't trade. Losing my car, my job and my pride taught me that I don't need everything. I can get by with the things that sustain me.

God bless this recession.

Why I am in Love

This show is exactly how I wanted my high school life to be. I am no Kurt, however. Too stereotypical. However, I was in my high school Show Choir all four years. My last 3 years I was the Show Choir President. I was the lead in each show and I couldn't help feel a little like Kristen Chenowith this last episode (although I am not constantly drunk). I know that this sounds super prideful, but...it's true. My life during high school was this TV show, although McKinley High is much better than Joseph City High. Actually, I take that Kristen Chenowith comment back. I'm way more like the character Rachel: arrogant, conceited and sexy.



Yup. Three words that describe me best.

P.S. Mr. Shuster (Matthew Morrison) isn't a bad reason to love the show either.

Loving Myself

Sometimes, I find it hard to love who I am. I find it hard to look at the person staring back at me in the mirror and say, "I like you. I like who you are."

Granted, I love my personality and who I am, I guess. I just am not okay with my physical appearance. I guess not many of us are. Someday, as I grow older and wiser, I think I will be okay with the way that I look. However, I am young and in the spry time of my youth, and I think that one of the only ways to happiness is to be physically attractive to other people.

Which, I guess, is pretty shallow when you think of it.

So, in order for me to become healthier and more physically pleasing to others, I have decided to start anew. I have decided to monitor what I eat, and when I eat it. I need to lose some weight, and I think that by dropping my calories to 1,000 a day, I think I can jump start my body into getting to where it needs to be.

Has anyone out there had to do something similar? Lose a lot of weight? Do you have any suggestions?

By the way, I don't plan on seeing Mr. Robinson again.