Well, here goes my identity.
I shot this footage with another elder and I on my mission and I just recently found the tape and I decided to piece together a little of what Lisbon, Portugal was like.
Hope you like it.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
My Focus
I've decided to stop focusing on myself. I've decided to stop being such a selfish person. I've decided to stop worrying about what others think to please myself. I've decided to be who I am as a son of God; strong, proud, capable, worthy, gay.
Who I am attracted to shouldn't define who I am. Even though I would rather spend a movie night snuggled up on the couch with a man, that doesn't change me as a person. I am no less a child of God than you are. We are all the same. We belong to the same family. We all have the same Father, who loves and cares for us equally. There is no distinction. (see 2 Nephi 26).
A wise friend of mine said,
"When we are solely focused on ourselves and our own pursuit of happiness, our most valuable relations with those that are vitally important to us diminish. The Creator, our parents and siblings, our confidants, and our own hearts. These are the relationships that become distant and withered when our focus is on ourselves" (R. Stahl).
How true that statement is.
The past few days I have only been thinking about myself. I have thought, "What am I going to do with my life? What will I do next? Why am I not liked? Why do I feel this way?" I now realize that one way to help direct my negative thoughts away from myself is to focus on others.
To be 100% honest, my last post scares me. It terrifies me. After writing that, I felt sick. I felt nasty inside. I wish I could describe the feelings I had. All I can say is that it did not feel good. I felt like I was writing a lie.
I don't know what this means. I have decided to stop thinking about it and just continue. If the chance arises for me to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, we will see how it goes. I am too young to decide right now. I cannot make an educated decision.
The future scares me. But as I focus my thoughts and actions on doing good for others, I think everything will start to come back into focus; for it sure hasn't been clear the last few days.
Who I am attracted to shouldn't define who I am. Even though I would rather spend a movie night snuggled up on the couch with a man, that doesn't change me as a person. I am no less a child of God than you are. We are all the same. We belong to the same family. We all have the same Father, who loves and cares for us equally. There is no distinction. (see 2 Nephi 26).
A wise friend of mine said,
"When we are solely focused on ourselves and our own pursuit of happiness, our most valuable relations with those that are vitally important to us diminish. The Creator, our parents and siblings, our confidants, and our own hearts. These are the relationships that become distant and withered when our focus is on ourselves" (R. Stahl).
How true that statement is.
The past few days I have only been thinking about myself. I have thought, "What am I going to do with my life? What will I do next? Why am I not liked? Why do I feel this way?" I now realize that one way to help direct my negative thoughts away from myself is to focus on others.
To be 100% honest, my last post scares me. It terrifies me. After writing that, I felt sick. I felt nasty inside. I wish I could describe the feelings I had. All I can say is that it did not feel good. I felt like I was writing a lie.
I don't know what this means. I have decided to stop thinking about it and just continue. If the chance arises for me to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, we will see how it goes. I am too young to decide right now. I cannot make an educated decision.
The future scares me. But as I focus my thoughts and actions on doing good for others, I think everything will start to come back into focus; for it sure hasn't been clear the last few days.
Monday, August 17, 2009
A Development
I don't want to seem as if I am giving up. I don't want to seem as if I am going "against the grain" or "conforming" to the world. What I am trying to say is that I want a wife. I want a woman in my life who will be the mother of my children. I want to reproduce and I want to have kids.
Now, I know that there are many MOHO's out there who may read this and be shocked and honestly believe that I have been brainwashed by the LDS church and that I am bowing down to a skewed version of Christ and Heavenly Father by wanting a wife and kids. I don't think that's true. I believe that everyone is different. I believe that love can come in many forms, whether it be from a man or a woman.
But, I want to do what I believe is right for me. And I believe what is right for me is having a family and going to Church.
Did I just recently have a spiritual awakening? No. Did I have a vision? No. Did I talk to some bishop about being gay? Nope. I have just been thinking about what is best for myself and my spiritual progression on this Earth and in the life to come.
Like I have stated SO many times before: I know that the LDS Church is true. Do I believe 100% in all of it's teachings? Hmmmm...still no. Do I believe that gay people should be allowed to marry? Yes. Does that make me less of a disciple of Christ? Not a chance.
Does the fact that I want to marry a woman make me less gay? No way! When I see a hot guy walking down the street, whilst I hold hands with my wife, I am sure that we will both check him out. And to me, that's fine...and that may be how my life will have to be.
For years I have known this girl who I went to high school with and we were the best of friends. When I left for my mission, I told her that I was gay and that I was attracted to men...and her. We talked for a very long time about what that meant for the both of us. We both decided that it would be best to just stay friends.
Well, next week that girl is moving about a block away from me. And I called her yesterday and I told her that I still have feelings for her and that she has been the only woman that I have been attracted to. I told her that we should date. She was quite speechless. She told me that she would have to think about this for a while and sleep on it.
So...I don't know what will happen. If she doesn't want to date me, that's fine. I can still go about my normal "happy" little life waiting for the right woman who will be my guide and helpmeet.
I just don't want to lose the many friends I have made throughout these past years. I don't want people to think that I am conforming to do "what the Church thinks is right". I love the gay community. I am still gay...but a gay that wants a wife and kids.
I love every person I meet and I try my best to do what is right. I want to continue to be an example to those around me. I want to continue to love others as Jesus would. I want to be loved by others. I hope that this post hasn't hurt anyone, or rather, ended some great Internet friendships that I have made with the great Utah MOHO community.
I love you all. The gay posts won't stop...they'll just have a straighter twist to them.
Now, I know that there are many MOHO's out there who may read this and be shocked and honestly believe that I have been brainwashed by the LDS church and that I am bowing down to a skewed version of Christ and Heavenly Father by wanting a wife and kids. I don't think that's true. I believe that everyone is different. I believe that love can come in many forms, whether it be from a man or a woman.
But, I want to do what I believe is right for me. And I believe what is right for me is having a family and going to Church.
Did I just recently have a spiritual awakening? No. Did I have a vision? No. Did I talk to some bishop about being gay? Nope. I have just been thinking about what is best for myself and my spiritual progression on this Earth and in the life to come.
Like I have stated SO many times before: I know that the LDS Church is true. Do I believe 100% in all of it's teachings? Hmmmm...still no. Do I believe that gay people should be allowed to marry? Yes. Does that make me less of a disciple of Christ? Not a chance.
Does the fact that I want to marry a woman make me less gay? No way! When I see a hot guy walking down the street, whilst I hold hands with my wife, I am sure that we will both check him out. And to me, that's fine...and that may be how my life will have to be.
For years I have known this girl who I went to high school with and we were the best of friends. When I left for my mission, I told her that I was gay and that I was attracted to men...and her. We talked for a very long time about what that meant for the both of us. We both decided that it would be best to just stay friends.
Well, next week that girl is moving about a block away from me. And I called her yesterday and I told her that I still have feelings for her and that she has been the only woman that I have been attracted to. I told her that we should date. She was quite speechless. She told me that she would have to think about this for a while and sleep on it.
So...I don't know what will happen. If she doesn't want to date me, that's fine. I can still go about my normal "happy" little life waiting for the right woman who will be my guide and helpmeet.
I just don't want to lose the many friends I have made throughout these past years. I don't want people to think that I am conforming to do "what the Church thinks is right". I love the gay community. I am still gay...but a gay that wants a wife and kids.
I love every person I meet and I try my best to do what is right. I want to continue to be an example to those around me. I want to continue to love others as Jesus would. I want to be loved by others. I hope that this post hasn't hurt anyone, or rather, ended some great Internet friendships that I have made with the great Utah MOHO community.
I love you all. The gay posts won't stop...they'll just have a straighter twist to them.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Prop 8 Musical
So...I don't know who out there has seen this...but please watch this! It's hilarious! (and so true)...
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Are All Alike Unto God
In 2007, a documentary entitled, "For the Bible Tells Me So" was chosen as an official selection of the Sundance Film Festival. It did not win in Sundance, but has won many other prestigious awards around the country and the world for this thought provoking documentary.
As I write this, the soft music of hymns plays on my computer. As I write this, I really don't know what to say. I am surprised that so many people live such lives of hatred, disgust, and most of all, ignorance.
But as they say, ignorance is bliss.
The documentary references all scriptures in the Bible that pertain to "homosexuality" or, at least, what people "think" is homosexuality. In the Bible there are about 8-10 verses that discuss homosexual behavior; the most popular one being Lev. 18: 22-23:
"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination".
Interestingly enough, in Leviticus 20:17 we read,
"For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him".
Most verses taken from the Bible to prove that homosexuality is a sin and is wrong come from the Old Testament. Strange, isn't it? The OLD Testament? Isn't that why Jesus came? To give a NEW law? The NEW Testament?
It strikes me funny to have people say to me that things in the church never change; that God is unchanging. Well...He sure did change quite a bit of things when Jesus came, that's for sure.
I'm tired of people fighting. I'm tired of people hating one another. I'm tired of this.
I want us to all get along. How can a church or evangelical organization say that GOD IS LOVE when all they do is go around and HATE those who are different? THEY are the ones that are PERVERTING the true ways of God and Christianity.
I, for one, do not hate those who hate people who are different. I am proud of my religion. I am proud of other Christian religions.
The Church is true; people are jerks.
If you haven't seen this documentary, please do yourself a favor and Netflix it. The film is beautiful and touching. It will open your minds to a new understanding of how God sees the world. It will allow you to realize that you are not alone in this world.
I want to be a good example to people. I want to be someone people look up to. I want to be a good person. Just because I am attracted to men, does not change any of that. I am sad all too often because of prejudice, pride, hatred, disgust, bigotry, and ignorance.
Just think about what Nephi said:
"...he doeth that which is good among the children of men; and he doeth nothing save it be plain unto the children of men; and he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth NONE that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and ALL ARE ALIKE unto God, both Jew and Gentile (2 Ne. 26: 33 emphasis added)".
As I write this, the soft music of hymns plays on my computer. As I write this, I really don't know what to say. I am surprised that so many people live such lives of hatred, disgust, and most of all, ignorance.
But as they say, ignorance is bliss.
The documentary references all scriptures in the Bible that pertain to "homosexuality" or, at least, what people "think" is homosexuality. In the Bible there are about 8-10 verses that discuss homosexual behavior; the most popular one being Lev. 18: 22-23:
"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination".
Interestingly enough, in Leviticus 20:17 we read,
"For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him".
Most verses taken from the Bible to prove that homosexuality is a sin and is wrong come from the Old Testament. Strange, isn't it? The OLD Testament? Isn't that why Jesus came? To give a NEW law? The NEW Testament?
It strikes me funny to have people say to me that things in the church never change; that God is unchanging. Well...He sure did change quite a bit of things when Jesus came, that's for sure.
I'm tired of people fighting. I'm tired of people hating one another. I'm tired of this.
I want us to all get along. How can a church or evangelical organization say that GOD IS LOVE when all they do is go around and HATE those who are different? THEY are the ones that are PERVERTING the true ways of God and Christianity.
I, for one, do not hate those who hate people who are different. I am proud of my religion. I am proud of other Christian religions.
The Church is true; people are jerks.
If you haven't seen this documentary, please do yourself a favor and Netflix it. The film is beautiful and touching. It will open your minds to a new understanding of how God sees the world. It will allow you to realize that you are not alone in this world.
I want to be a good example to people. I want to be someone people look up to. I want to be a good person. Just because I am attracted to men, does not change any of that. I am sad all too often because of prejudice, pride, hatred, disgust, bigotry, and ignorance.
Just think about what Nephi said:
"...he doeth that which is good among the children of men; and he doeth nothing save it be plain unto the children of men; and he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth NONE that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and ALL ARE ALIKE unto God, both Jew and Gentile (2 Ne. 26: 33 emphasis added)".
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