One thing that I find continually difficult for me to do is...take a chance...with other guys. Let me explain:
I have a very dear friend of mine who many of the Utah MoHo's know, love and appreciate. He was my roommate basically right after he decided to come out of the closet. He was a great help to me this past school semester and I miss him. One of the only things that I had a hard time with was his weekend excursions to the gay world of Salt Lake.
Now, I know I have talked down SLC once already on this blog. I wish I wouldn't have done that. I mean, the gay community can do what it wants and I am perfectly fine with that. But, let me get to the point of this blog for today.
I just don't feel like I can have my own "weekend excursions". I feel like if I were to go to a gay party, that I wouldn't be able to be myself. Drinking, dancing, loud music, smoking, and all that implies...just doesn't appeal to me. But I feel like there are no other options. I feel like if I want to take a chance with guys...I have to make the trek to SLC and...dive right into that partying lifestyle. Provo...just doesn't seem to have any options.
Don't get me wrong; there are tons of gay men around Provo. Especially at BYU. It's just extremely frustrating to know that they are all in the closet at school and during the week and then...most of them go somewhere else to...release all the tension.
Why can't I take a chance at home? Why can't I find someone? And, if the opportunity arises to take that chance...would I be able to do it?
