My Mother

*SLIGHTLY NEGATIVE POST*

Growing up, I had a good life. My mom was a wonderful woman. She had a good head on her shoulders, and she loved and cared for her two children. Then, she had a miscarriage and lost her first child. It took her over 5 years to even think of having other kids. But, she couldn't reproduce again, so she decided to adopt and do foster care. My family then adopted my two younger brothers and my younger sister. They are all joys; but sometimes, they are a handful.

The reason why I bring this up is because I think all this, the miscarriage, the adoption (and years of getting new kids into our homes for sometimes over two years, only to have them snatched away), and the crazy things things the kids do, me being gay, and her own personal demons...have turned her into a crazy psycho.

I love my mom, but I hate the way she is. She yells all the time, she tells the younger kids to shut up, she says things like, "I hope the test results come back and they tell me that I have cancer so I can be rid of you all". She really said that. I felt sick to my stomach. Never have I ever heard such a hateful, loathsome, sick, and depressing comment come from my mothers lips; the lips that used to kiss me goodnight. Since that comment, I think I have spoken two words to her over the break. And she said that about two days ago.

Now, I understand that there are those out there who are parents or who deal with crazy kids...but talk like that is uncalled for. And that's just one of the nasty things she said. I feel so bad for my younger siblings because they have to deal with the depression that lurks in our once happy home. My mother is so thickheaded that no one can tell her anything.

My mom used to take some prescription medicines for her depression and attitude, but since has stopped when she had a seizure (she accidentally took two pills together that had an adverse reaction). Now, she longer takes the pills, and she is worse. I can't tell her that she needs to take them, because anything that I say makes her angry.

I have so much respect for my father. He loves her and yet he does not understand why she is like this. I think that they will stay together until the kids are all out of the house and it would not surprise me if there was some sort of a separation--not divorce--just a separation. The things my mother says...my dad deserves something better.

Anyway, I am sorry that I decided to throw my burdens out to the blogosphere...but I just needed to get that all of my chest. Thanks for listening.