A Response to theguardrail.com

Jefferey Robinson said that I should read his CST concepts about homosexual change. I did, and this is what I wrote. I emailed this to him yesterday and I would love to know what you guys think about this! It's a little lengthy, but I really need to know, after reading this, and after reading that, shall I say scathing, review of "In Quiet Desperation" by Dean Byrd and himself, I don't know if I will go back.


(1) He states that homosexuality is “a condition, a trait, a disease…” He makes this sound as if this is a sickness that needs to be cured, or can be cured with a miracle drug or with agonizing years of therapy.

(2) Jeff believes that all homosexual men are (1) unusually emotional (2) introspective and (3) perfectionistic. I know many homosexual men and women who are none of these things. One of my dearest friends is gay and he plays basketball, loves to go shooting, hates chick flicks and doesn’t wear deodorant. He doesn’t care what other people think. He doesn’t cry. He’s the complete opposite of what Dr. Robinson calls “a gay person”.

(3) The phrase, “when I found out I was gay” is used here as an ironic and false doctrine statement. In my personal life, I knew I had always been different, I just didn’t know what being gay meant. When I eventually learned what “gay” meant, I knew it was a stark description of my life. I have always been gay. I never magically woke up one morning and was gay; I just didn’t know what it meant until I was 12.

(4) “…They need to get on with their life, they need to stop putting their life on hold. Many of them have put their life on hold spiritually, academically, socially, in their careers or other things, waiting to solve this problem…” I don’t believe that I have put my life on hold. I think that my life is going in a direction that I want it to go. My sexuality does not influence my academic, career or life choices. It shouldn’t and it doesn’t.

All in all, this talk was a well written read of ways for men who want to overcome homosexuality. There are steps, stories, and ideas to overcome this spiritual challenge in their lives. But, what Jeffery Robinson has failed to mention is that other percentile of men; those who have already overcome their sexuality, those who are okay with being gay. They know that this is something that God has given to them; that “…Father in Heaven [who] seems to be stingy with taking this problem away from people…” I can accept that. I can be okay with my Father who has given me this great blessing, for this blessing has brought me to my knees. It has humbled me. It has taught be that I cannot walk this path of life alone. I need someone, and that someone is my Father in Heaven, or my older brother, Jesus. If God has given me this challenge, then there is nothing that I can do about it. He has made me this way and that is that. Acceptance was the key for me to move on with my life.

There are many men in the church who think that they are wrong or broken because of this challenge. What they have failed to realize is that fact that God made them that way. For some reason, they have been given this challenge of being gay. I don’t believe that, during puberty, they allowed their natural arousals to be directing toward men, (those who they felt most ostracized by) and this caused their homosexuality.

When I was five years old, my mother and father bought me the Beauty and the Beast Barbie Ken doll. It was a masculine toy for me, for it was the beast. His mask was removable and then he would just be the Ken Barbie doll. I remember, late at night, I would remove the doll from my hiding spot and slowly take off his clothes. It aroused me even then. I was five years old. I had no idea what being gay meant, I had no idea what sex meant, but that moment of seeing this “man” take off his clothes aroused me. In that moment, I knew that I was different.

True, I did become very introspective during my adolescent years because that is when I knew what being gay meant. I knew that it was “wrong” and those who were gay were “sick, perverted and going to hell”. It was only when I began to live my own life, and make my own decisions (about the time I left to serve a mission), was the time when I noticed that I was not wrong, that I was not sick, that I was not broken.

Many people might say that Satan has influenced me beyond measure. How can a good upstanding member of Christ’s church think this way? How can he want to be gay? I don’t know. I do not believe that Satan was telling me to accept my homosexuality while I was on my mission. I firmly believe that the idea to accept me for who I am and for the way God made me was God given and aided by the Holy Ghost. Others might think that Satan just infused me with his chains since I was young. To those people I say, “Aren’t we supposed to be ‘protected’ by the buffetings of Satan until we come of age, until we are eight years old?” Many will respond in the affirmative. I then say to them, “How is it, then, when I was five years old, I was attracted to men? Satan had absolutely no power over me. Who “tempted” me to do those things with that Barbie doll?” I don’t believe any Higher or Lower power influenced me to do anything. It has just been part of the way I was built and it will never change.

All in all, I believe that there are some things that I could better myself over. I wish I could stop focusing so much on my personal body image. I wish I could learn how to eat healthier. I wish I could learn how to play the piano better. I wish I could learn how to be a better friend. Nothing I wish for could make we wish I was straight. I am content with who I am. I am happy with who I am. I am at peace with who I am, for the Lord in His great mercy has extended the opportunity for me to come to terms with who I am.

Now, it is just up to me to see what to do next.