Since I am a man of my word, I could not retract my promise to my bishop to meet with Dr. Robinson. I called him on Friday and we made an appointment to see each other on Saturday, which was today.
I went camping last night with some new friends, (all straight, by the way) and this morning I was at peace with my decision and when I walked into Dr. Robinson's lofty Provo office, I wasn't nervous, scared, excited, happy, or peaceful. I was just pretty much content.
I made sure that he knew that I did not want to change. I made sure that he knew that I didn't feel as if anything was wrong with me. I told him that if it came down to it, I would end up leaving the church to pursue a life with another man. But, I also told him, that if the opportunity arose for me to perhaps pursue a life with a woman in the church, then I would try that as well. But we both came to the conclusion that the likelihood of that happening was next to none.
From all the horror stories that I have heard about this guy, none of them seem to match up. I respect people's choices of words and wisdom. Jeffery Robinson might be "pro-change" and he might want me to "stay away from the dragon of homosexuality", but that is what he is best at. Do I want to stay away from that dragon? Nope. Not really. What's gonna happen if that dragon turns out to be like Elliot from "Pete's Dragon"? What's wrong with a nice, fluffy green dragon? Nothing. Just happiness and glee. My opinion, so far, of Dr. Robinson is: he is a man who has dealt with 100's of cases of depressed, angry, sad homosexual men of the church who want to change. If that is their goal, then seeing Jeffery was a good thing for them. Since I don't want to change, I am not going to treat Dr. Robinson as a "mouthpiece" for the church. He is not my bishop, he is not my father, he is not the prophet. He is just a man with personal opinions and I can choose to believe which of those opinions will help me in my life to become a better person.
We talked about happiness. I told him that I love to be happy and that I want to help other people in the world to be happy. He told me that happiness is very indirect and hard to pinpoint for each person. This discussion of happiness was the best part of the meeting. What makes me happy doesn't make you happy. If living a life of celibacy will make someone happy, then by all means, do that. If staying in the church your whole life and getting married to a woman will make you happy, then do it. If getting a boyfriend will make you the happiest, then do it. I believe that people have the right to choose what they want to do with their life, and Jeff told me that he will never try to "guilt me into changing". I have no other choice to believe him. He will be innocent in my eyes until proven guilty (if that ever happens).
All in all, this preliminary meeting with Dr. Jeffery Robinson was a good experience. It was a positive one. He did not tell me to change. He did not tell me I was wrong. He flat out told me that if I wanted to leave his office and never come back, I could do that. He told me that he would never force me to believe what he believes, or believe what the church believes. I have to trust that.
So, I have another appointment with him set up on October 7th. We will see what will happen this next time. I am hopeful that these meetings will help me become a better person, but I do not think that they will change me.
I know who I am, and no one can change that.
P.S. (I'm not paying for this).
You're wasting your time Andy. I thought the deal was ONE appointment. Why are you going back?
ReplyDeleteI can hear it now: "He's a sneaky, underhanded henchman of the change police! He's lulling you into a false sense of security and will gradually convince you you're broken and need mending and will make you think it was your idea! He will then introduce you to his torture chamber..."
ReplyDeleteKudos to you for being honest and up front with him and giving it an open-minded shot. Hopefully, it'll be helpful, and he'll prove undeserving of the somewhat demonizing pictures some paint of him. I must admit to being rather skeptical of many of his theories and methods, but I know a few guys who say they really benefited from seeing him (one of whom is, several years later, happily married to a woman, which was his desire). I'll be interested to hear how it goes in a non-change context.
Ha, I posted my comment before seeing your comment, Alan. It wasn't meant as a direct response to your comment, but I had to laugh when I saw our comments back to back and it certainly looked like such an assault.
ReplyDeleteAndy, I'm glad it went well. But I'll be honest and say that I, too, was alarmed to see that your appointment was with Dr. Robinson.
ReplyDeleteKind and understanding or not, the fact remains that Dr. Robinson considers homosexuality a curable psychological condition, and that will undoubtedly affect his counseling methods.
A few years back, Jeff Robinson and two others (Dean Byrd and Shirley Cox) wrote a rather scathing review of "In Quiet Desperation" that provoked response from other therapists who saw their work as entirely out of touch with professional standards, and containing serious intellectual dishonesty problems. You can read the original review and the response of three other (also LDS) therapists who also specialize in counseling homosexual individuals. Alan is right to note that Bruce Hafen's speech draws heavily on the work of Byrd, Cox and Robinson. You can read the review and response at:
http://www.fairlds.org/Reviews/Rvw200505.html
http://www.ldsresources.info/professionals/response.shtml
There are plenty of professionals who are more compliant with professional standards that would be capable of helping you in a non-change scenario. Obviously the choice is up to you, and I wish you the best, but I would recommend seeking a counseling environment that most closely meets your needs. Dr. Robinson doesn't seem the best fit.
Your dragon comment reminded me of a blog post I read recently. Here you go, http://listentowhoiam.blogspot.com/2009/09/taking-cue-from-mark-wahlberg.html.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should use this analogy in your next meeting with Mr Robinson.
Like I said in my last comment though, I am a bit suspect of the motives of your Bishop. Does he have any expectations for your meeting with Robinson? It is one thing to suggest a councilor, but then to suggest one who's life work is dedicated to some very questionable change therapies, is a bit odd. There are a hundred other therapists in the valley, he happened to pick Robinson out of a hat? Fishy I say.
Let me put it this way, if you want to have plastic surgery, you look for the best surgeon out there to do the work. Why in the world would you go to all the trouble to see the same plastic surgeon if you didn't want a face lift to begin with? Lame analogy I know but I hope I get my point across.
I'm glad you have a good perspective, though please don't be pushed around, or convinced that you need something that you don't.
Chris
I'm trying to think if that's the guy my parents sent me to after they first found out I was gay. When I met with my therapist and told him I didn't want to change, he told me there was no point in having further sessions and told me to leave and not come back. Haha.
ReplyDelete@ Original: LOL, no offense taken. Sometimes I'm tediously prolix but sometimes I'm a "cut the crap and get to the point" type. My comment above yours was the latter. Funny timing indeed.
ReplyDeleteI have never met Robinson, my low opinion of him is based strictly on his own writings and record, measured against what the rest of the professional world says. I have judged him solely on his own statements.
And that's why, Andy, I think you're wasting your time. The guy has built a career out of charging high fees to trusting and desperate young men so they can subject themselves to his pseudo-science and religiously distorted agenda. He may have made nice to you one time, but his record and his work with others is in stark and VERY disturbing contrast to your experience. Until he retracts all of that, I will never trust him and I will worry about any friend of mine that risks exposure to his snake oil pitch.