A Talk with Bishop L.

I haven't been to the temple in about 6 months. So, my new friends and I decided to go yesterday. It was a beautiful experience. I missed the wonderful sense of peace and serenity. I missed the longing to be back home with my Heavenly Father. I missed the beauty of the Celestial Room. I missed knowing that I am child of God.

It was a great moment and I am so glad that I had friends worthy enough to go with me. Thanks Tim and Doug!

I think the temple experience helped prepare me for the talk I had with my bishop this morning.

I am having some serious financial issues. I lost my job and car and I am now just trying to stand up by myself again. This was the initial reason why I went to go talk to the bishop. I woke up early this morning and got ready. I arrived precisely on time and went into his office. We spoke of my finances and my plans that I have to get everything in working order again.

My loving bishop then asked me how I was doing spiritually.
"Fine." I said, not really wanting to open up.
My bishop just kind of looked at me like he knew there was something else.
"Well, actually," I said, looking at the table, "There is one thing. I struggle with same-sex attraction...I'm gay."
The bishop looked at me and didn't say anything.
"Which, I'm sure you deal with a lot here. I mean, come on, it's BYU and there's A TON of us here."
"You're right, there are."
We then talked about my attraction and if it was affecting me during this show, you know, with all the costume changes and what not. I told him that that wasn't really the issue. I've been in shows where guys are completely naked backstage and I wasn't affected...did I sneak a peek? Hmmm...yes. But, who doesn't?
"Andy, you might be surprised about how tolerant I am."
"Really? I mean, I don't know you that well...so I just assumed that you...would be...you know...in Provo there's just such a bubble..."
"Have you ever done anything?"
I told him that I was president of the Virgin Lips club.
He paused and said, "I admire you. I really do. I admire your...strength. I mean, you've struggled with this your entire life and you've never done...anything! Wow. I...really admire that."
"Now Bishop," I said, "That doesn't mean that I don't want to. If I could have a boyfriend I would. If I had the opportunity to kiss a boy, I would."
"That's understandable."
We then talked about, strangely enough, masturbation. I told him I do it. He asked me how often and I said, "Often."
"That's great, Andy! It's good to have a release for all those hormones, isn't it?"
I was flabbergasted! A Bishop telling me it's okay to masturbate?! Really? I mean, WHO is this man? And why is he so awesome?
He then asked me what my plans were with my future.
"Do you mean, like...dating a girl? Getting married?"
"Yes."
"Well, I mean...if the chance arose...maybe...but I'm just not physically attracted to women. I want to be with men. In all actuality, the hardest part about being gay is...being alone."

I told him of an experience a week back when all my friends were talking about their first kiss or relationship stuff and blah blah blah. I didn't let them know how hard that was for me. It was painful, really emotionally painful to listen to that conversation, knowing that I could possibly never have that "first kiss" or have that "first boyfriend". That night I was almost brought to tears...although I would never let my friends know that...(great...now you know)

"Being alone sucks." I said, looking at him in the face.
"It does, Andy. It really does." He paused for a moment. "But...I think that this 'challenge' or whatever you want to call it, comes from God. It is who you are. You are this way for a reason. I don't know the answers to everything, but I do know this: God loves you. Your Heavenly Father loves and cares for you and He understands you. You can talk to Him on a personal level and you don't need to hold anything from Him."
"You're right," I stated, "I don't."
Then, I hesitated and said, "Have you ever seen MILK?"
"No, but I want to."
"Well, it's a really great movie about the assassination of Harvey Milk. But the point is...how old are you bishop?"
"51."
"So you know who Anita Bryant is?"
"Yes," he said, "I remember the days of Anita Bryant very well."
"Well, I feel as if Utah is a big Anita Bryant. I feel as if the church is a big Anita Bryant. I feel as if the Miracle of Forgiveness is a big Anita Bryant. Some people are so intolerant."
"They are. But not me and not your Heavenly Father."
"I know."
He looked at me again. "I so admire you. I am so glad that you moved into our ward. You are a great guy. A really great guy."
"Thanks?"
"Well, is there anything else you need?"
We then decided it was time to end our little conversation and we ended with a prayer. We both knelt down and Bishop L. offered it.
He prayed that I would get back on my feet financially. He prayed that the show would go well. He didn't even mention ANYTHING "bad" about my being gay! In the prayer he just asked that we could strive to be better people and become more like Jesus Christ.
The prayer ended and we got up from the ground.
"Can I get a hug?" He asked.
"Of course!" I said while giving him a massive hug. "I am a hugging freak. Just you wait!"

I left his office and exited the building. The morning sun was just peaking its head over the Y mountain. The grass never looked greener; the air never fresher. It was as if a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. In the interview, my bishop let me know that if I ever just wanted to talk to him about anything in particular that we could go for a walk up the canyon. I would so love to do that.

I know that my bishop received words from God today. This conversation was one that I have been waiting to hear for a very long time. It was the conversation of true acceptance from one of the Lord's anointed. I loved every second of it. It helped me realize how blessed I am to be a member of this church. It helped me understand that I am not sick; that I am not wrong. It helped me know that life is worth living and being the person that God meant for me to become.

It was a great moment and I am so glad that I went. I am glad that the world is changing. I am glad that the church is changing. I am glad that for me, being a gay member of the church is something that is not hard to do. I know that it is hard for many of my brothers and sisters out there. But if there is anyone who is struggling with coming to terms with their homosexuality, please...do so. Go to God in prayer. He doesn't hate you. He doesn't disapprove of you. He loves you, and that is what matters.

I grew so much as a person and son of God this morning. You know how there are defining moments in your life when you talk with someone and you suddenly realize that you will never be the same after talking with that person? Well...this was one of those moments.

God bless Bishop L.