I Hate Feeling Like This!

I feel like God is never going to let me have a boyfriend.

Every time there is a small opportunity in which I could have a chance at another guy...something happens to prevent it. I don't want to blame myself, or my body image, or who I am...so I just blame God. Because...sometimes...deep down inside...I still feel like a sinner.

There's this boy who I really like. He's really cute and funny. I want to spend time with him. I want to be around him. I want to cuddle with him. He is another cast member in a show that I am in and...at the time we started to get to know one another, I was filling in for another cast member who was currently in another show. Well, that other cast member came back, and therefore, I am no longer in the same scenes as Mr. Cutey-pants.

Also, I had a heated discussion with my director about stuff today. That didn't make me feel any better.

So, now...I won't get to see this guy that I have a crush on anymore. Sure, during performances, but that's about it. I feel as if this is happening because God doesn't want me to "screw up" or "act out" on my feelings. But, I feel more sad and alone right now...then when I am around my crush. When I am with him, I am happy.

How can something so wrong, feel so right? (Wow. That wasn't cliche at all!)

And...that's about it. I just want to be happy...er.