How I Feel About Certain Things

A lot of people who know me know that I still believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I believe in its teachings, doctrines, and culture...for the most part. Many of my friends can't see how I can want to live one way, and yet still be a member of the church. They will ask me, "So, Andy. You're gay, but not acting on those desires...so you can still be a member. But what happens when you want to act on those desires? What happens when you get a boyfriend?"

Honestly, I can't answer those questions. I haven't got to the point in my life when I can say that I have a boyfriend. I am trying to find one...but to no avail. It seems that in every opportunity that I get to have a boyfriend, something happens to...dissuade me...or distract me from pursuing him. BUT, me having a boyfriend would not keep ME out of the Church.

Personally, I believe that if I were to get a boyfriend and hold hands with him and kiss him, that is no grounds for me to be expelled from the Church. If straight people can do it, why can't I do it? What's the difference? I can't see any, really.

This is why, as of right now, I can still say that I am a devout member of the Church. I go every Sunday, I actually have a talk this Sunday...crap....

There are, however, some things that I don't agree with. There are things that I believe the Church will eventually have to change. It is a living Church. The gospel principles will never change, but other things may have to change.

For me, this is the right religion. For me, this is where I want to be right now. I am having a hard time with life and the Church, but I know that as I continue to do what is right, I can become a better person and draw nearer to my Heavenly Father and the Savior. If I were to ever be excommunicated, I would still go to Church. The Church is not the source of many problems that I have. I understand that the Church, as an institution, is not perfect. It has its faults. And I am okay with that.

I do not blame the Church for anything. I do not blame God. Rather, I THANK God for giving me the blessing of having this "trial" in my life. I have grown closer to Him through this. I love being gay.

It is who I am and it is who I will continue to be throughout time and all eternity.