Future Goal: Stay a member

I don't know if I'll have a title for this post. It's almost 1:30 in the morning right now, and I just realized that people are following my blog! I haven't posted in such a long while because I thought no one was listening to my vents. But, I guess they are and I appreciate all those who follow this blog. My goal is to let others become aware of homosexuality in a positive light, and not a negative one.

To do this requires a lot of effort. I have fortunately been blessed with loving parents, friends and other family members who try to understand and accept me for who I am. It's going to take a while for everyone who I know to get to that point, but I feel confident that they will. But because of the wonderful support that I have, I do not have the need to feel "pressured" to be in hiding. I don't think it is a healthy or wise thing to be pushed around by people, especially members of the LDS faith, to deny your true feelings.

For some reason, we are gay. Good. Now that we have all accepted that fact, we can move on. Or can we?

It is extremely difficult to move forward once you have accepted the fact that you are attracted to someone of the same sex. My parents, even though they know that I am gay, still have that tiny little grain of a mustard seed hope that one day I will turn straight. I don't think that will happen. I know that some of my friends think that this is just a simple trial or "test" that I have to go through. Really? A simple test? What is it about Mormons? Why can't we just say that sometimes...life sucks. No matter what.

Being gay and being a member of the church is something hard to do. I am trying to do it. I do not and will not participate in the promiscuous lifestyle that so many gay and closeted gays experience here in Utah. I will never move to Salt Lake because I know there, the gay community is huge, but its not the good kind of gay community. All they want is to drink, party, grind and get easy action. I believe that is wrong regardless of who you are attracted to, and that type of lifestyle is against the teachings of the church.

But when two men love each other, and I mean, love...then who is to say that they can't be together? Who is to say that they can't worship God and His Son, Jesus Christ together on Sunday? Who is to say that they can't bear their testimony of what they know to be true?

My goal is to stay a member of this church my whole life. My goal is to also love and be loved by someone. If that someone happens to be another man, does that change my religious belief? No. Does it make me a bad person? Hells no. :) It means that I refuse to have my life led by someone other than myself. I am in control of my life and at the present moment, I am satisfied and pleased with where I am today.

So, in a nutshell: I want to be a member of the church. I want to do what's right. I want to do service. I want to bear my testimony. I want to take the sacrament. Does being gay change any of that? It shouldn't and it doesn't.